There are three seasons in any parent-child school life that make us all want to run away and hide.
The first is in May, when the school calendar is jam-packed with special dress days, award ceremonies, and graduations. The second is December, right before a two-week holiday break, where once again, every day has something special and dysregulating, including final exams for some students. Then there’s right about now: back-to-school time.
This year, I’m not going to let it get the best of me. Instead, I’m following a hard-and-fast rule that I started a few years back that has saved us from a lot of added stress.
For the first few weeks, we aren’t going to add anything more to our plates than is necessary. We aren’t going to host friends for dinner, or plan a big family outing to a nearby town. We’re going to stay put and power through life until we get back into a normal routine.
The back-to-school chaos starts early
This stress starts long before school starts. Parents are bombarded with e-mails and app messages with schedules, forms, and lists. The closer we get to the first day of school, the more flooded our inboxes become.
Then there’s all the school supplies, clothing, and sports gear shopping — all of it depleting our bank accounts.
This is happening as we also realize our summer routine is quickly ending, giving way to early-morning alarms and rushing our kids to the bus stop or car, hoping to make it to school before the bell rings.
The double whammy for me is that I am an educator and a mom of four kids, ages 9 to 17. My kids attend three different schools, which means three different principals, each with their own e-mail communications.
For me, the back-to-school (literal) nightmares begin in the weeks leading up to school. My anxiety began to climb as I watched the relaxed summer days begin slipping away. I know that later this week, I will wake up to hear the school buses driving past our home as they practice their new routes. When I unsilence my phone, notifications will ping loudly and often reminding me of what I have yet to do.
Saying “No” feels great
Once we’re back in session, I’ve long since learned that the best thing we can do is to turn down almost every invitation to do more during the first month of school. Instead, our motto is to do the bare minimum. We prioritize sleep, healthy snacks, and low demands.
Everyone is adjusting to new teachers, bus drivers, coaches, class schedules, and new academic demands. Then there’s simply being another grade older, where everything is new, challenging, and draining. There’s no need to add more to that long list.
This rule lets us enjoy the back-to-school time more
Making the first few weeks of school purposefully low-key is our attempt to balance out the inevitable back-to-school demands. There will surely be nights when we eat dinner immediately after school, when everyone is hungry and on the verge of a crying meltdown. But then we’ll head out to our pool for a night swim, enjoying the water and dwindling sunlight. Friday nights are for popcorn and a movie. Sunday mornings typically start with church, though we sometimes attend online in our pajamas instead of in person.
Courtesy of Rachel Garlinghouse.
Our hustle culture can lead to so many mental health woes, and I’m all for a “less is more” mentality this time of year. I try to remind the kids that most things aren’t an emergency, that grades aren’t a measure of their worth, and that none of us can pour from an empty cup.
Taking time to relax and reset by declining the invitation to go above and beyond is necessary for us. Dabbling in whimsy, getting outside as much as we can, and curling up with a book and a rescue dog on the sofa are all activities that are worthy of our time. The rest of it can wait — until next month.
