When my in-laws suggested halfway through my pregnancy that we all buy a house together, the idea didn’t seem like the most outrageous thing in the world.
Growing up, I usually lived in some form of a multigenerational or multifamily household, as did may of my family members. One of my aunts lived with me, my mother, and brother for a time. After she had her son, she went to live with my grandmother and great-grandmother.
When I went to art school, the deal my dad made with me for footing the bill was that I would move in with my grandmother. Living with extended family has always been a part of my life.
Living this way was was practical
While in school, me, my aunt, two of her kids, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother all lived in one house. Eating together, cooking for one another, and waiting an inordinate amount of time waiting to use the bathroom was expected. Ask anyone in this type of household, someone is always waiting to use the bathroom.
But our house was just one of millions of families living with their parents and adult children, cousins, brothers and sisters, or grandparents and their grandchildren.
According to the Pew Research Center, there were 59.7 million U.S. residents who lived with multiple generations under the same roof as of March 2021 — a number that has quadrupled since 1971.
I’ve tried to live alone, but it never lasted long
As a 20-something in the aughts, I was so excited to be in my very own apartment. But then the Great Recession of 2007 happened, and I was right back under my mother’s roof along with my brother and a family friend who had been couch surfing.
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Now, here I am many years later, living in yet another multigenerational household with my husband, our daughter and my in-laws. It’s going well so far.
There are many benefits to living with family
Living in close proximity to our family has afforded us many benefits, like allowing our toddler to see her grandparents every day.
Occasionally, one of our families cooks and we all have dinner together. If one household is out of cheese, wine or bread, surely the other has some cheese, wine or bread to spare. When my in-laws dishwasher broke, they lugged all their wares upstairs to use ours. Now that our dishwasher is out of commission, we lug all dishes downstairs to use theirs. Whatever issues one of us faces usually works out because our support system is a little bigger than many. “It’s Shangri La,” as my father-in-law likes to put it.
For us, living this way was a choice. No one was ill or unemployed. But when there has been a job loss or expensive home repairs are needed, we’ve been able to stay afloat.
I think another reason our arrangement has worked for us so far, is that there is a degree of separation. There’s literally a door that separates us. I think the door and the ability to have separate bathrooms and kitchens has really carried this whole thing forward more than anything else. I’m half-kidding of course. But having grown up in so many versions of the multigenerational households, I’ve spent a lot of time in closed quarters where there wasn’t that extra bit of privacy. I think it’s made all the difference.
