Things Not to Do If You’re in a Wedding, From a Professional Bridesmaid

Over a decade ago, I started my business, Bridesmaid for Hire, as a way to support people during the stressful and exciting moments of their wedding.

A lot of my clients have other people in their bridal party, so it’s my job to help everyone else do what they’re supposed to without any of the drama, headaches, or arguments that often occur.

All that said, I’ve learned many ways to be an all-star member of a wedding party. To start, I suggest you avoid the following mistakes.

Ignoring texts, calls, and emails from the couple or the rest of the wedding party

Before the wedding takes place, there’s a lot of coordination that happens between the people getting married and the wedding party.

Throughout all of this, communication is key.

Even if you feel overwhelmed by text messages, email chains, and video calls, make an effort to keep your communication consistent and cordial.

Respond as soon as you can and make sure you’re keeping up with any changes, updates, or decisions to avoid confusion and tension.

Focusing too much on yourself instead of the couple

Being a bridesmaid or a groomsmen is an exciting honor, but just because you have a special role doesn’t mean the wedding is about you. 

Even if you don’t agree with what the couple chose for things like the bridesmaid dresses or food, it’s important to stay as supportive as you can.

There’s a time and a place to express those concerns (like when you’re explicitly asked for advice), but it’s certainly not the days before or during the wedding. 

Not being clear about how much responsibility you’re willing to take on from the beginning

The joy that comes with getting asked to be a bridesmaid or groomsman can sometimes make people sign on for more than they can handle.

Before you agree, be sure to set boundaries of what you’re able and willing to do. Look over your calendar to see what kind of conflicts you have scheduled already and assess any other time commitments.

Being open and honest with the couple before taking on a role will eliminate a lot of unnecessary drama.

Failing to set boundaries for how much you’re willing to spend

Being in a wedding party can get expensive.

Decide how much you’re able to spend before you even agree to the role so you’re not stuck going way past your budget on the outfit, bachelor or bachelorette party, and gifts.

Openly communicate this budget to other members of the wedding party and the person getting married. That way, everyone can be on the same page, and there won’t be any resentment about spending more money than you’re able to.

Thinking that being in a wedding party will always be fun

“Party” is in the title, but for the wedding party, that’s only half of what the job is really like.

It probably won’t always feel like a fun experience. There will be good times, but there will also be headaches, heightened emotions, and stressful problem-solving in the lead-up to the big day.

Be sure to manage your expectations before accepting a role.

Asking questions that you can easily find the answers to yourself

The more you can stay on top of the details of the wedding, the better.

Keep an itinerary for the day handy, leave the couple’s wedding website open on your computer, and bookmark any important emails in your inbox. 

It can be annoying to overwhelm the couple with questions on or close to their wedding day when you’ve already been given the information.

You can even go a step further and try to help the couple by answering questions that other members of the wedding party or guests have. 

Not being honest when you’re asked to give your opinion

As a member of the wedding party, the couple may turn to you for advice or feedback. If they’re asking, the couple is likely actually looking for your guidance.

You may think lying will create less stress to tell a white lie, but it might guide your friend down a stressful path that leads to a major breakdown on their wedding day because they picked a dress or decorations they don’t like. 

So if you’re asked what your thoughts are during wedding-dress shopping with the bride or about potential songs for the first dance, be honest.

Hitting the open bar too hard

The open bar at the bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, and reception can be tempting, but drink with caution.

You’re allowed to have a good time, but being in the wedding party means that you’re on-call if the couple needs anything.

If you’re tossing back too many drinks too fast, you might not be able to step in and deal with any pop-up problems that happen throughout the big day or at other wedding-related events.

Getting caught without a survival kit on the day of the wedding

The wedding day is a long adventure, so coming prepared is essential. Someone is always going to need something last-minute.

It’s best to come prepared with a survival kit of commonly needed items so that nobody has to run around town on the day of. 

I recommend bringing things like phone chargers, beauty items, hair tools, and snacks. The more you have prepared, the less stressed everyone will be.

Assuming your job is done the second the reception ends

A lot of wedding parties think that once the big day is over, their role is, too. However, there might be some things you have to help with after the party.

Stay in touch with the couple, offer your time, and check in to see if there’s anything they need from you.

They might need help organizing loose ends or getting started with their thank-you cards. The more you reach out, the more supported your friends will feel. 

This story was originally published on October 18, 2021, and most recently updated on August 29, 2025.