- Beth Graham and her brothers cared for their mother for four years after she had a stroke.
- After their mom died, the siblings decided to spend the $75,000 inheritance on a trip to South Africa.
- Spending quality time with her brothers helped her deal with the loss.
I grew up in one of those weirdly close families where we all genuinely enjoyed spending time together.
My dad died young, at 56, leaving my adventurous, spirited mother a widow. I’m the youngest of three kids, with two older brothers, and we all share a love of travel.
Five years ago, during a visit back home to Florida to see my mom, she came into my room early in the morning complaining about “the worst headache of her life.” It was confirmed later, at the hospital, that she had a stroke.
For the next four years, we were her caregivers. Thankfully, her long-term insurance covered most of the expenses, but my brothers and I chipped in to cover things like round-the-clock caretakers and a new stereo so she could listen to soothing music.
As a wealth manager, my middle brother managed her larger assets and took care of things like selling her home, paying off her mortgage, and settling her estate. After she died and all of her outstanding expenses were covered, we were left with about $75,000 of inheritance.
Our initial thought was to split that among her three grandchildren to help jump-start their young adult lives. But one of my brothers doesn’t have children, so it didn’t seem fair. We began talking about how best to honor her with those remaining funds.
While it may sound selfish to some, we determined that she would have wanted to treat us with something — she was the kind of mom who always put our needs ahead of her own.
Caregiving is hard, and we all experienced burnout at different times, both emotionally and physically, so we wanted to find a way to unwind from the past few years.
Including grandkids was too complicated
As my brothers and I all enjoy traveling I suggested we take a trip in her memory. Getting everyone to agree to that was actually the easy part. Deciding where to go proved more difficult.
The original plan was to include everyone on the trip: my husband, my sister-in-law, and the three grandkids. I suggested we rent a chateau in the south of France or a villa in Italy since my mom was such a foodie. But because of our range of interests — some like museums, others like organized tours, and others crave adventure — we concluded that a relaxing vacation in a home wouldn’t work.
Beth Graham
We settled on a trip to South Africa that would include a one-week safari and another week in Stellenbosch wine country — paying tribute to my mom’s love for great wine.
We soon realized that including our kids, some still in college and others just starting new careers, would not work. They wouldn’t be able to take two weeks off. So, as disappointing as it was, we decided to leave them behind. We were also very aware that this would give us the extra money to plan a more luxurious trip.
A trip to honor our mom
We flew business class from New York to Cape Town and spent two days exploring the region with a local guide. Then we traveled to Kruger National Park to our luxury resort in the private Sabi Sands Game Reserve and spent five days tracking the Big 5. We saw all five almost every day.
Beth Graham
I ordered three small memorial key chains. Each sibling was to bring along some of my mother’s ashes so that she could join us on the trip. One evening, we gathered at the resort’s bar, poured a glass of wine for her, surrounded by our keychains, and toasted her for our amazing lives and sibling relationships.
After a memorable — and emotional — week, we journeyed on to our luxury Airbnb in Stellenbosch to toast her some more as we sampled the wines of the region. The end of our trip was bittersweet because we knew our time together honoring her with this trip was coming to an end.
We spent all of that money and then some, but none of us had any doubt that she was looking down on us and smiling. As an adult, it’s rare that I get time to properly catch up with my own siblings. That quality time together was special and, hopefully, exactly what our mom would have wanted.
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