- Colleen Slagen is a mom of three and a name consultant.
- She said social media has increased the emphasis on sibling sets.
- Themes and styles can guide name selection, but going too similar can be cheesy, she says.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Colleen Slagen, author of “Naming Bebe: An interactive guide to choosing a baby name you love.” It has been edited for length and clarity.
The idea of giving siblings matching names isn’t anything new, but social media has helped the idea spread far and wide. As a name consultant who’s active on Instagram and TikTok, I hear from lots of parents who are concerned about creating a perfect sibling set of names. Parents believe names can create family cohesion and unity.
Creating a sibling set can be fun but can also create stress for parents. Here’s what to think of when you’re creating a sibling set, and how to know when to change course — which is something I had to do while naming my own three children.
Remember that sibling sets aren’t the end-all
I worked with a mother who intensely regretted one of her children’s names. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the name — she just didn’t think it matched with the names of her other children. She was even considering changing her child’s name.
I reminded her that a sibling set of names isn’t the end-all-be-all. Our children are going to spend most of their lives existing independent of their sibling set. I never want parents to get too caught up in how cohesive their children’s names are.
Decide what unites your sibling set
The easiest way to create a sibling set of names is to think about a style category of names that you like. If you’re into classic names like John, they’ll always go well with other classics, like Dorothy.
Or, you can focus on name meanings. Nature-inspired names like Sky and Juniper can make good sibling sets, for example.
Another option is to think about length. I find that four-letter names often go well together. At the same time, it’s OK to put together short and long names if they have a similar style. I love the sibling set Ada and Bernadette, for example.
Subtlety goes a long way
When I worked with baby company JoJo Maman Bébé on the do’s and don’ts of sibling sets, I reminded parents that subtlety goes a long way. If your theme is too niche, it can come across as cheesy.
I would never name sisters Goldie, Violet, and Scarlett, or brothers Bear and Fox — that’s a little too on the nose for me. The same can happen with names that sound too similar, like Banks and Brooks, or Adeline and Caroline. If there are multiple letters shared between the names, they may be too close.
Don’t be afraid to change course
I named my oldest child Rory, envisioning a sibling set of traditional Irish names. But as I got to know more kids and families in my hometown outside Boston, I realized that the Irish names I liked were too common for my taste. So, I pivoted to more traditional English names and now have Rory, Janie, and George.
I see that parents are very concerned about equality in naming and worry about a child feeling left out. That thinking can box parents into a specific naming pattern. If you start with two J names, you might find yourself following in the Duggar’s footsteps and giving all your children J monikers. But remember, you’re not obligated to continue any patterns, and personally I don’t think your children will mind.
Don’t fight true love
Thinking about a sibling set can help guide you as you pick a name for your second, third, or sixth child. Yet occasionally, you’ll discover a name that’s just right for your new addition — even if it doesn’t match their siblings.
I see this a lot with celebrities. Actor Ashley Tinsdale, for example, has two daughters named Jupiter (which feels hyper-modern, majestic, and rare) and Emerson (which is much more mainstream). Sometimes, you can’t fight the name that feels right.
