My Weight-Loss Goals Prevented Me From Fully Enjoying My Newborn

I gained exactly 100 pounds during my pregnancy. Between indulging in every craving, stress eating, and being on bed rest at the end, I didn’t stand a chance.

I was surprised by the amount of additional weight I still had on me after giving birth. During my pregnancy, I could tell I was gaining weight, but I really thought the majority of it was what they call “baby weight.” People told me to eat anything I wanted, and I did.

I ended up having 80 pounds left of baby weight after giving birth. I felt completely overwhelmed by that.

Before my pregnancy, I maintained the same weight for many years, never really fluctuating by more than ten pounds, give or take. If my pants started getting tight, I would exercise more and watch what I ate until my pants felt good again. Committing to losing 10 pounds is a lot different from wanting to lose 80, so my approach became an obsessive panic over losing the weight.

I started with walking and eating healthier, but I took it too far

Since I had a C-section, I was in a lot of pain, but the nurses told me the best thing I could do to recover was walk. So that’s what I did, and I really committed to it. I would take my son in his stroller and my dog for at least two to three long walks a day, covering about two miles each time, which is significant while you are still recovering.

At home, if I had to go up or down the stairs for something, I would walk up and down the stairs a few extra times to burn a few more calories. The more exasperated I became with my weight gain, the more I found ways to over-exercise.

I also became fixated on finding ways to eat fewer calories by eating mostly vegetables and lean protein. My favorite lunches at the time were tuna on crackers and black bean soup. For dinner, I often ate cabbage “steak” with Sriracha.

Looking back, I know now that I was putting an unnecessary amount of pressure on myself and rushing my weight loss in an emotionally and physically unhealthy way. At the time, I was in a rush to feel like myself again.

The pressure I put on myself was a distraction from my baby

I wish that I had been more solely focused on enjoying my son as an infant instead of putting so much effort into dieting and exercise. A more self-loving version of myself would have been forgiving in regard to the weight gain and just allowed the weight to come off in time.

Thinking back, I often wonder if I had just embraced playing with my son all day, then that might have been enough activity to help me lose the weight. While it would have likely taken longer, I would have had a huge stressor removed from my life, which I imagine would have helped me out a lot as a new mom.

I simply should have taken better care of my body during my pregnancy

For a long time, I thought about having another baby and doing everything the right way the second time around, such as maintaining my normal healthy habits of daily movement and balanced meals during my pregnancy. If I could do it all over again, that’s what I would do.

Ultimately, the effect my pregnancy weight gain had on me negatively affected my early days of motherhood. On top of the normal emotions and exhaustion from life with a newborn, I was beating myself up for letting my body go, and then I punished myself with an aggressive approach to weight loss.

I should have been celebrating my body for giving me my son and focusing on soaking up every moment with him.

By the time my son was 2, I had lost most of the weight

I was mostly happy with my body and with myself for working so hard to lose the weight, but once I met my goal and wasn’t worrying so much about it, I started to see what I had missed out on. By the time I felt okay enough with my body, my son wasn’t a baby anymore. I took the realization as a lesson and began to run around more with my son more and make cupcakes and other baked treats with him on the weekends.

My relationship with exercise and food eventually returned to my pre-pregnancy levels again, and it gave me the time and energy to appreciate my son. He really did grow up so fast, and I’m sorry that I didn’t realize enjoying him as a baby was the most important thing at the time.