- I have four kids, two of them are teens. I don’t want any of them using social media.
- The risks of teen bullying and my own experiences with online threats have led me to this decision.
- My 16-year-old recently thanked me for shielding her from the anxiety her peers have experienced.
I have four children, ranging in age from 8 to 16. I am that mom, the one who won’t let my kids have social media. Of course, my teenagers have pitched fits over my rule many times. However, I’m grateful I’ve stuck to it.
I’ve been an influencer since blogs debuted. Social media has been both a gift and a curse for the last 15 years. Yes, I can use social media to promote my work as a writer, but with an online presence also comes degrading, ignorant, and sometimes threatening comments and messages from total strangers.
Countless articles tout how social media access provides open season for bullying, discrimination, stalking, trafficking, and safety threats — especially for teens who can be more vulnerable in these situations. I knew, from my own experiences, that social media is overwhelmingly not a safe space for teens and I didn’t want my own kids having any part of that world.
Initially, my teens hated me
My teenagers, starting around early middle school, didn’t understand why, according to them, everyone else got to have social media accounts but they didn’t. They pleaded with me, assuring that they would always use social media for positive interactions with peers, entertainment, and information. No way would they share their personal information or interact with strangers.
My teens, now 14 and 16, felt I was being unfair and too strict. I certainly empathize with their feelings, remembering when I thought my own parents weren’t fair to me, like not letting me attend sleepovers or date when I was in middle school, but I’ve held strong to my decision
We’ve revisited the topic many times
I’m not a “because I said so” parent. I took the time to answer my teens’ complaints — er, questions — about why social media is not, or even mostly, all fun and games. I shared concrete examples of what’s happened to me, including name-calling, trolling, and even threats to my safety. If I’m an adult dealing with these issues, imagine teenagers, whose brains aren’t fully developed, using social media, I explain to them. I’ve also re-explained the dangers, including catfishing, bullying, and even receiving loads of misinformation on important topics. I was met with eye rolls.
I have my reasons
We live in a digital world, which is why some parents give their kids, even those younger than teens, the all clear to freely use social media. “They need to learn somehow, this is just how society is now,” other parents have said to me.
I disagree with that line of thought. We know that that a person’s brain, specifically the reasoning part, doesn’t fully develops until around age 25. My oldest child is nine years away from their new “reasonable” brain. Why would I let my teens be exposed to numerous dangers and influences when they aren’t brain-ready?
One of my teens thanked me recently
Surprisingly, not that long ago, my 16-year-old daughter thanked me for not letting her have social media, especially during her middle school years when she was constantly begging me for access. As she’s matured, as well as observed her peers who have social media, she’s noticed some of the fallouts of teens obsessing over what gets posted on Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok.
I believe in “never say never.” I may ease up on my rule or change my mind at some point and allow my teens very limited and well-supervised social media usage with gradual access. I want them to learn self-control, listen to their intuition, and learn to balance an online presence with real life. Raising teens is about training them to become adults. However, for right now, the rule is right for us.
