- Stanford University recruited my son to be a college athlete.
- He feared he wouldn’t fit academically at the school.
- My son decided to drop out and transfer, but at the last minute, he found friends and stayed.
My son has always been an athlete, and sports have always come easily to him. However, he has had a problem with confidence ever since he was 8. That was when he lost the use of most of his body due to Guillain Barre, an autoimmune condition that left him paralyzed and forced him to take almost a year out of his life to re-learn to walk.
That was a huge setback, both physically and mentally, and it left him with doubts about his ability. Still, Fabian has persevered and exceeded all expectations. Not only has he become an incredible athlete, but he became the state discus champion as a sophomore in high school. He went on to claim fourth place at the National Championships in Eugene, OR, in 2021. Still, that was just the beginning of his journey.
Following Nationals, we received our first recruiting call. It was from the coach at Stanford University, and while I could not contain my excitement, my son paled.
He felt like he hadn’t earned the right to be a Stanford student.
My son had doubts from the onset
I encouraged Fabian to go with the process. It was still early. I told him to just talk to the coach and that no decisions needed to be made just yet. We scheduled the first recruiting call. As we sat on the couch, side by side, my son sweating profusely through the hour-and-a-half phone call, we heard about all the exciting things that Stanford could offer and watched videos of the incredibly beautiful college campus.
When we got off the call, I couldn’t wait to talk to my son about this incredible opportunity. This is what he has worked so hard for. As I turned to him, he said, “I am not going there,” with a note of finality in his voice. He walked into his room and shut the door.
As we talked, it became obvious that the old feelings of inferiority that started as an 8-year-old surfaced. He wasn’t sure he could cut it at Stanford academically. He didn’t think he belonged as a student; he thought the school only wanted him for his athletic ability.
We continued talking about his accomplishments, amazing grades, and growing accolades in his sport. He agreed to give it a chance, especially after we visited campus on a recruiting visit. The chill campus atmosphere seemed perfect for my laid-back son.
His imposter syndrome made his freshman year difficult
As we moved Fabian into the dorms at the start of his freshman year at Stanford, he seemed excited to begin his journey. I left California to return home to the East Coast feeling excited and hopeful for him. This lasted all of two weeks.
In our daily phone calls, I heard sadness in his voice as he told me how homesick he felt. I tried to hear and understand his feelings. Over and over, the theme of not feeling like he belonged there echoed in our conversations.
When Fabian came home for Thanksgiving, he sprained his ankle and tore a ligament in his foot. When he returned to school after the break, he became outright depressed as he sat in his room alone while his teammates traveled to competitions.
Already feeling like he didn’t belong academically, he felt even more lost because the only reason he was at Stanford was to be a recruited athlete; now, he could not even participate in his sport.
When Fabian came home for Christmas, I received the message loud and clear: He was not interested in returning. He was done with Stanford.
Without the pressure, he’s now thriving at Stanford
I was torn on how to support my son through this. I wanted him to understand he should not give up on this amazing opportunity that would open doors for his future.
We finally discussed options and settled on finishing the trimester and then transferring colleges. As the end of the trimester approached and I became increasingly anxious about my son’s future, I noticed a change in him. The closer it came to him being able to come home, the more relaxed he became. It was as if the pressure was off. He excelled in his classes. He had a solid group of friends, and they were inseparable.
As my husband and I planned to leave for our cross-country trip to pick Fabian up from Stanford for the last time, he decided to stay. When the pressure was off, he could finally experience the sense of belonging that was missing all along.
He finally found his place at Standford and on his team. Fabian now has the chance to compete as a college athlete this year.
