My Parents’ 53-Year Marriage Taught Me Conflict Is Healthy and Normal

My parents recently celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary. They met while traveling through Spain in 1971 and married six months later.

My mom has always said it hasn’t all been rainbows and butterflies. But they’ve worked through the hard times and persevered with their marriage, even when things have been tough.

Though I’d always secretly been terrified of commitment, I was also lucky enough to have their solid example of what a strong marriage could look like, and I married Sam — the love of my life — in 2015. The lessons I’ve learned by watching my parents’ marriage have made it all the easier to walk in their footsteps, and now Sam and I have been happily married for a decade.

They taught me it’s OK to have different interests

Aside from their shared passion for travel, my parents are opposites in so many ways. My mom loves art and languages, going to the theatre, and watching movies.

My dad, on the other hand, has always enjoyed playing and watching sports, collecting stamps, and doing crosswords. In his 50s, he randomly decided he wanted to run a marathon and ended up doing four. My mom has never run a day in her life.

However, they share a few fundamental values that have always kept them on the same page: a love of learning and acquiring general knowledge, a belief in seizing the day and making the most out of each moment, the importance of keeping the flame alive, and the belief that family always comes first, no matter what.

My husband and I are also polar opposites in many ways, but like my parents, our core values are aligned.

Growing up, I saw that conflict is normal and healthy

While I was growing up, my folks often had heated arguments. Sometimes, there would even be periods where they weren’t speaking together because they needed to cool off.

However, my parents always resolved the issue with respect and open communication. Through watching them, I learned that conflict in a long-term relationship is unavoidable and normal. There are bound to be differences in opinion, values, needs, and wants, but it’s how you handle and resolve the conflict that matters.

They showed me the importance of space in a relationship

My parents have always made a habit of giving each other space — space to pursue hobbies they enjoy, space to travel independently, and time alone to recharge when needed.

My mom is hugely independent. During my childhood, she worked hard, saved up, and took my sisters and me on international trips while my dad stayed home and continued working. She’s always said that it’s important to be your own person and to follow your dreams.

My husband and I are similar in that we both have our own interests and give each other space in our relationship. We take turns going on solo international kid-free holidays, then come back recharged and ready for family life. Having downtime from each other helps us to keep the spark alive and to appreciate what we do have even more.

I know that marriage takes work

No marriage is perfect. Most of us derail at some point in our relationships, but if you truly love each other, you can usually get it back on track.

I know there have been times when my parents’ marriage has been on the rocks. There have been enormous life challenges to navigate, and both of my parents would admit they’ve made mistakes.

But ultimately, they love each other deeply. This all-consuming, enduring love has helped them tackle every hurdle together and emerge stronger.

Of all the lessons they’ve taught me about relationships, this was the most important: Love is worth fighting for. Always.