I recently watched a webinar and was ready to push the “count me in” button and spend $3,000 on the program. However, I restrained myself because I value my marriage.
Dave and I used to be in sync as entrepreneurs. We ran his accounting firm and my consulting company out of the same office. We went to lunch daily, where we would share our goals, challenges, and wins. We freely spent money on business, pleasure, and family.
Dave loved his clients but not accounting itself, so he wanted to retire early at 55. I loved my clients and my work, so retirement was the last thing on my mind. But when Dave was ready, I agreed to give it a try.
It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
I retired with my husband, left the city, and started a new life
We went full-on with the retirement experience. We moved to a remote mountain ranch covered in redwoods, got three dogs, raised peacocks and chickens, bought a horse for our daughter, and took long walks in the woods.
Dave built fun things like a library, a teepee, a fully plumbed outhouse, and a gazebo nestled in the trees for our spa. He was in heaven.
I loved the lifestyle, but at 50, I missed the challenge of consulting and the satisfaction of teaching. Trees are great to look at, but they make lousy seminar participants and block the internet. My frustration was growing.
Retirement wasn’t working for me
Dave called one morning. He was emptying our office and said, “I’m just going to get rid of all your training room chairs.”
The words stabbed like a knife through my heart, and I lost it. I realized what that meant and fell into a chair, moaning that my life was over. No more clients, no more seminars, no more networking, no more anything — except trees, trees, and more trees.
Dave was dumbfounded. He said, “But we agreed to this.” I told him I’d honor our agreement, but I didn’t know how I could be happy letting my calling die in the woods.
He decided that we should move back to the city since I wanted to get back into action.
I was stunned. I knew how much he loved the mountain ranch, but I was grateful for the suggestion and agreed. We turned the ranch into a VRBO rental and returned to the city.
Back in the city, I restarted my business, our daughter went to school, and Dave continued his retired lifestyle. Retirement didn’t just affect his activity level; it affected his mindset about money.
My husband is now in money-saving mode, while I want to spend
When we were both making money and could easily make more when we needed it, he was much less miserable. Now that he is on Social Security, he wants to spend almost nothing and make sure we have enough money to live on until we die.
My focus is the opposite. I don’t want to hunker down. I want to expand. I see the business landscape changing at the speed of light, and I want to take every course, attend every conference, subscribe to every newspaper and magazine, and try every new gadget. All of these things take money.
When I first started rebuilding, Dave let me loot our retirement account, but then he put his foot down, and fireworks flew. After having the first real fights of our marriage, we finally came to a truce.
We agreed that I would no longer touch our nest egg, but I can spend anything I currently earn in any way I want. I only touch one bank account we set aside for my income and expenses. He handles everything else as if we are both retired.
I like to think that I’m the kite, and he’s the string. It works for us.
