My Friend Is 50 Years Older Than Me; We Have so Much in Common

When I first moved to Charleston, South Carolina with my husband and infant, I didn’t know anyone.

Living in a condominium community just across the bridge from the Isle of Palms was a dream come true, not only for the palm trees and easy beach access, but because it was here that I met someone who turned out to be one of my dearest friends. Someone who happened to be 50 years older than me.

Toni owned an elegantly decorated condo in our neighborhood and was very involved in the community at the time. She was busy creating a little free library of sorts in the residents-only office space when I happened to stop in to use the computer. Our shared love of books invited our first conversation, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Over the past six years, our friendship has blossomed

Though Toni proudly calls me her “adopted daughter,” we share laughs, makeup tips, heart-to-heart conversations, and book recommendations, much like my peers and I do. She is young at heart, full of compassion, wisdom, and plenty of exuberance for life well-lived.

She doesn’t have an agenda to impart advice or facilitate growth in my life like a mentor would, though these things are often by-products of our relationship, as in many close friendships. She is a true companion, someone I can call upon to commiserate about political woes, invite to a performance at the local theater, or send a few chapters of my latest writing project to in exchange for her thoughtful feedback.

This year, she turned 84, and I turned 34, and as we acknowledged the 50-year gap between us, it was almost hard to believe.

When we’re together, laughing and catching up, our souls seem the same, the years dissolving away. Simply by sharing her life with me, she’s helped me to release many of my fears of aging, inspired by her boldness, joy, and curiosity. She’s shown me that life’s adventures can continue well into your 80’s, as long as you have an open mind and courage to keep pursuing new experiences.

At 84, she is still 34, and all the other ages in between. Age is but a number, and despite the years between us, we are more alike than different.

Intergenerational friendships are precious

There is something special about forging a friendship with someone from a different generation, creating a unique opportunity to learn from one another. Letting go of biases and stereotypes related to aging can help you be more available to cultivating meaningful connections with people of different age groups.

Just as Toni has helped me embrace the aging process and look forward to getting older, having a friend my age has amplified her already youthful spirit. We enjoy encouraging each other in our very different seasons of life.

Having an age-gap friendship has made such a difference in my life. At the end of the day, maybe it’s less about our age gap and more about being kindred spirits — ageless on the inside.

Heather Rose Artushin is a writer with over a decade of published experience and a passion for social justice.