- I bought an insanely big couch that fits our family of six.
- I know I’m supposed to prioritize experiences over possessions, but I love this couch.
- It has brought my children closer to me — both physically and emotionally.
On New Year’s Eve, 11 people sprawled across our ridiculously oversize couch, counting down to midnight. It was raucous and beautiful; it was exactly why my husband and I chose this massive piece of furniture.
But I’m sometimes conflicted about the purchase because I’m repeatedly told that we should give our kids experiences instead of things. That advice instinctively seems true to me.
My memories growing up are, for the most part, not of things I owned. They’re of trips to New York to see my grandparents and hiking the Grand Canyon with my dad. They’re of getting ready for school dances with my friends. I couldn’t tell you what any of us wore, but I can tell you exactly what everyone’s laugh sounded like.
I want my four kids to have similar, noteworthy experiences. But there have been a few possessions that I treasure as much as our experiences. One of them is my new couch. Yep. Couch.
When we needed a new couch, we went ridiculously big
When we replaced the sad lump that was our old couch, we tried out so many in the showroom. Most of them just wouldn’t fit six people, like my large family.
When we finally found the right couch for us, it was obscenely huge. It was a sectional, with a back and two long sides so everyone could stretch their lanky legs. I immediately worried about the size and scale of our furniture. I knew it would throw off the whole scale of our room, but I also knew it could comfortably sit all of us at once.
Since the couch was so big, its price was big, too. We could have spent that money on traveling as a family. That’s when I went back to the debate: What’s more important experiences or things?
But when I pictured all of us lounging on the couch together, I knew it was the right thing for our family. So we bought the couch.
Now, you can’t do anything in our family room except sit on our couch. There’s no space for anything else. The couch has swallowed up the entire living room, leaving a tiny, single-file pathway into and out of the room. It’s perfect.
My teenagers are connecting with me on a whole new level — thanks to the couch
I knew the couch would bring my family together physically, but I didn’t imagine the emotional bond it would create for us.
My teens often flop dramatically on the couch. They throw their bodies down and sprawl out and make pillow nests. They burrow under piles of blankets. They toss their legs across other people, lay on their siblings or friends, and generally take up all the room. And sometimes, they’ll even get cozy with me.
These teens bristle when I’m affectionate in public. Hugging is not approved. But when we’re having a movie night, someone will slowly lean against me until they’re propped against my shoulder or sprawled on my lap. It’s like meeting a strange animal: If I don’t make sudden movements, they start warming up to me.
They’ll also talk to me when we’re all hanging out on the couch. I don’t know if their defenses go down as it gets later or if we’re just all relaxed and comfy. But when I ask them how their day was after school, I get a grunt or a sigh. It’s not until we’re all chilling out at night on the couch that I hear about worries over classes, friend troubles, or what they’re thinking as college decisions loom.
If we buy things that align with our values, they can be just as important as experiences
I’m still mostly an experience-loving person. But really, that’s what the couch is about. Our TV-watching experiences might not be as exciting as trips or concerts, but warm memories of evenings together are just as good. I want to be the place where all my kids’ friends hang out, and this couch helped get us there.
We still take vacations, although, with six of us, they’re cheaper road trips instead of big resort trips.
But I’ll spend good money on things for our home that reinforce our values any day: instruments, board games, and pizza for a rowdy group of teens hanging out on my new couch. I’d buy anything that encourages people to be together in my house.
They may just be things, but they’re giving us some great memories.
