On a recent Saturday morning, my retired parents texted me, the resident family foodie, for restaurant recommendations in Raleigh, North Carolina. I don’t live there, but they figured I’d know where to look. They’re not on vacation, exactly — they’re there for one of my dad’s 60-and-over softball league tournaments.
This is just part of what retirement looks like for my dad, a retired FDNY firefighter. Rather than settling into a life of golf courses or cruise ship decks, he’s just as busy now as he was when he was working — he’s simply doing different things.
After more than 20 years fighting fires in New York City, with his pension secured, my dad could have easily slowed down. He could have embraced the kind of stillness most people dream about. Instead, he picks up shifts chaperoning events at our hometown high school a few times a month, everything from school dances to football games.
During his FDNY days, he spent years as captain of the department’s softball team, and these days, he still hits the field for regular batting practice and travels around the country to compete in senior leagues. This is his idea of taking it easy.
It doesn’t surprise me at all that he hasn’t slowed down
Some people might ask: Why keep “doing” when you don’t need to? But that question has never really made sense to me. My dad never had just one job. He was running into burning buildings, yes, but also running a small sunroom business he had built from the ground up while making sure he never missed my brother’s hockey games or my dance recitals.
His own parents had grown up in Queens with very little and worked hard to move the family out to a house in the suburbs. I think, on some level, he felt he owed it to them to make good on that effort. The way I saw it growing up, slowing down almost felt selfish — movement wasn’t just a habit, it was a way of honoring where we came from.
It’s no surprise, then, that I find myself replicating that rhythm. I work full-time as the Head of Marketing at a music tech startup, which means that on evenings and weekends, I’m rarely truly “off.” And, still, I pitch articles like this one, and I take on freelance clients when I can. The idea of being satisfied with just one job — even if it’s a stable one — has never quite taken root in me, and that’s not because I fear stillness, but because ambition has always looked like staying in motion.
Watching my dad retire taught me that effort doesn’t stop being meaningful once the paycheck becomes optional; it just becomes far more personal when you’re not just doing it for money. He does it because he likes being part of something that’s larger than himself, whether that’s in the hallways of his alma mater or trash-talking in the dugout with guys he’s known for decades. There’s an inherent purpose in that rhythm.
And sure, I know what the headlines say: older Americans are working longer, and it’s often framed around worries about economic uncertainty, about disappearing pensions, and sometimes that is why. But, sometimes, it’s a value system passed down — whether we asked for it or not.
I’ll likely have a similar version of retirement
My dad’s version of retirement is not about refusing to rest but rather about refusing to disappear. His life now is proof that being mentally, socially, and physically active can be its own kind of joy, that usefulness and community don’t have to be casualties of aging.
He’s still ordering new bats and gloves, booking travel to tournaments, and texting me for restaurant recs in whatever city he’s landed in. Meanwhile, I’m working from home in San Juan, Puerto Rico, laptop open, pitching another story while practicing my Spanish and planning my next salsa class. Clearly, neither of us seems interested in sitting still.
When I think about my own future, I’m not sure I’ll ever want the version of retirement where I just vanish into leisure, either. Maybe that’s the gift my dad gave me: a model for what aging could look like — one where I don’t lose sight of myself, but I refocus. Not a stop point, but an entirely new chapter to start — one where your time is still yours to shape in whichever way you see fit.
If I ever do retire, I hope it looks a lot like his. Full of play, purpose, and enough momentum to keep me in motion.
