Moved to LA to Save a Relationship; We Broke up but I Stayed

I was content living in Washington, DC, but my boyfriend wasn’t.

He’d moved there with me in 2012 when I secured my first full-time writing job, but DC wasn’t really where he wanted to be. He was an actor with dreams of making it in Los Angeles — and although he was getting some acting work, it wasn’t enough to quit the day job he didn’t love.

Things weren’t going as well in the relationship as either of us had hoped. I had built a strong social circle in our neighborhood and with coworkers, and he seemed to feel left out.

Then, two years into our time in DC, I was impacted by layoffs at my company. I got by on freelance work and temporary gigs for a while, but with a job no longer keeping me on the East Coast, I suggested we start thinking about moving to LA.

I knew I’d miss friends and family, but I was excited for a new start, and I liked the prospect of my boyfriend getting to do what he loved.

After we agreed that a move to California was worth trying, I applied for and got a job in the LA office of a media company where I was freelancing.

In 2016, we packed up our things, I said some tearful goodbyes, and we drove across the country.

Our relationship ended a few years after we moved

From the beginning, I knew it was a move that would make or break us. Our location was no longer an obstacle to his acting career.

I would also have to rely on him to get around, since our only car was his. Back in DC, I’d been able to walk more places and rely on the bus and metro.

Neither of us knew many people in LA, and we definitely didn’t have close friends. We made it through three challenging years in LA with difficult roommates, another layoff, the death of my beloved cat, and attempts to build friendships.

Being in LA had stretched an already strained relationship to its breaking point. In 2019 — after 10 years together, three of them in LA — we finally admitted it wasn’t working.

I had to decide where I’d live. My new job was remote, so I strongly considered moving back to the East Coast. There wasn’t anything necessarily keeping me here; I didn’t even have a car.

Instead, I decided to get a place in West Hollywood. LA didn’t quite feel like home, but I wasn’t ready to give up on it.

I built a community and found a passion that encouraged me to stick around

Right away, I loved my West Hollywood apartment and the location. Unlike where I’d previously been living in LA, I could walk or hop on a bus and get just about anywhere — something I’d appreciated about living in DC.

However, I didn’t have local friends or a connection to the area yet. I decided to start by learning more about where I lived.

West Hollywood is incorporated as an independent city, which means it has its own city council. I began watching council meetings live on YouTube, and was pleasantly surprised to see how many residents were civically involved and excited to advocate for causes they care about.

I wanted to get involved, so I messaged a councilmember, who actually agreed to have coffee with me. From there, I learned about regular meet-and-greets at the park where commissioners, council members, and community members came together.

I started going to city events, and over time, I saw the same people again and again. Some of us realized we lived within a few blocks of each other. I was eventually appointed to the city’s Rent Stabilization Commission, where I now serve as Chair.

As I spent more time participating in local politics, I learned how community members can have a say in their own neighborhood. Getting involved helped me understand how my city runs, make new friends, and connect people with resources when they’re not sure how to deal with a local issue or a challenge with a landlord.

Before long, West Hollywood really started to feel like home. Now I have neighborhood friends to walk the dog with or watch live music in the park.

My life 10 years after moving to LA is definitely not what I imagined, but in many ways, it’s better.