Jet Li said he had to learn to be a better listener to be a better father.
Speaking on the “Daily Stoic” podcast hosted by Ryan Holiday, the martial artist and actor said his daughter’s mental health struggles prompted him to rethink his approach to parenting.
Li said he had no father figure to model himself after, since his own father died when he was 2.
Having grown up in a traditional household, Li said he believed a parent’s role was mainly to provide for a child’s practical needs.
“You work hard, make a lot of money, then give them a good education,” he said. “That’s good enough.”
But over time, Li said he came to realize that while money could solve some problems, it could not solve them all.
He said that it became clear when one of his daughters, Jada, began struggling with her mental health, and he didn’t know “how to help.” Li has four daughters: two from his first marriage and two from his second.
He said that despite spending years studying Buddhism and mental training, he did not know how to reach his daughter when she withdrew.
That was when Li said he realized he “needed to learn” how to show up for her differently.
“So I turned down a lot of work, and then through this journey, I try to do everything I can with my daughter. Become a listener, become their friend,” he said.
Li said parents often default to telling their children what they should or shouldn’t do: “You’re the general. They’re the soldiers.” However, he eventually realized that dynamic was not working.
So, bit by bit, Li said he began to change how he interacted with his daughter.
“Become their buddy, become their roommate, become their friend. Then talk to them,” he said.
Li said he had to learn to listen without immediately offering advice: “Sometimes I need to learn to hear. Don’t give an opinion. Just hear.”
In a December 2023 interview on a Taiwanese talk show, Li said he asked his daughter to point out his shortcomings so they could truly become friends. He said she told him he was self-centered and arrogant. Although her bluntness initially upset him, he was eventually grateful for her honesty.
Li isn’t the only celebrity who has spoken about rethinking the way they parent.
In March 2025, Kate Hudson said being accountable for her mistakes has been a key part of her parenting journey.
“Sometimes in conflict, you go too far, and you need to say you’re sorry, instead of teaching them that you doubled down,” Hudson said.
In August, Matthew McConaughey said he had adjusted how he talks to his children as they’ve grown older to make them more likely to open up.
“I’ve had to be almost less of a dad in ways — be less judgmental when they’re saying something,” McConaughey said.
