- I struggled with my post-baby body image, even though I lost much of the weight I had gained.
- My partner’s acceptance and unconditional love helped me start to embrace my new body.
- Health issues, including a back injury, have helped me shift my focus from my weight to my strength.
After I had my son, I became consumed with trying to get my pre-baby body back. Even after losing 60 of the 80 pounds that I had gained during my pregnancy before my son turned 2, I was still unhappy with my stomach, which seemingly bulged and sagged no matter what exercise or diet I tried. I had never appreciated how flat or effortlessly toned my stomach had been before I had my son until I no longer had it.
My stomach became the source of all of my shame, and I was convinced that no one would love me with a body that looked like mine. I never dated anyone that made me feel any less self-conscious of my own perceived flaws until I met the man that eventually became my husband. By the time I met him, my son was 6. He never seemed deterred from any part of my body or not attracted to me, so one day I let him know that I felt embarrassed of my stomach. He was shocked and said he couldn’t care less. Soon, I started to feel the same.
His acceptance led me to self-love and an inner truth
After that conversation, I began to feel not only more comfortable in my own skin but actually felt sexy as a whole, rather than most of my body minus my midsection. But I was still concerned with maintaining my size. My partner loving me so wholeheartedly helped me to love myself more, too. We dated for almost two years before getting married and recently celebrated our third wedding anniversary.
As I began to really embrace myself, I started to notice that I still had some unhealthy ideas around my appearance. If my clothes were ever snug, I panicked. If I missed just one workout, I felt fearful that I would backslide into weight gain. I thought I could only indulge in unhealthy foods only if I had worked out that day or knew I would the next day. I saw more clearly that my whole attitude around food and exercise was not rooted in health. My outlook was that when I wasn’t thin and fit, I became a less valuable person. Once I understood my motives, I wasn’t happy about thinking of myself in those terms.
New health issues suddenly made it difficult for me to exercise
While my husband’s attraction to me was the first part of my journey to accepting my post-baby body, it was actually health issues that finally changed the way I felt about my body for good. I always thought I had appreciated my health, but it was a lot like the body I had before I got pregnant. I didn’t really appreciate my health until it was gone.
In the midst of a sudden onset of migraines and gut issues, I would catch myself being more stressed out about gaining weight because of not being able to workout instead of focusing on just feeling better. When I finally hurt my back so badly that it became difficult even walk, I realized how much I had taken my body for granted — yet again.
It has been years now since I’ve been trying to feel the way I used to, which was simply capable of being an active person. My goal workout right now is simply to be able to walk a half mile around my neighborhood, which is a far cry from the running I once did.
Over the course of these unexpected health issues, I’ve realized that I’ll never worry about being a certain weight again. My obsession has shifted from how my body is shaped to getting back to a life where I can do simple things, like make my family dinner and then sit around the table to eat with them without being in pain.
Now I could never see myself worrying about the way my body looks
I don’t think it should have taken health issues for me to value my body for what it is capable of, such as growing a child and enabling me to take care of my family, but that’s what it took for me to finally accept my body as is. The irony of the situation is that in having pushed myself so hard through running, intense workouts, and little to no rest, I probably created much of what I’m going through, or at least ignored important signs for too long.
I know I can’t change the past, but I wish I would have been more gentle with myself after I had my son, who just turned 11, and taken a slower approach to weight loss through whole body strength. As for my stomach, I finally couldn’t care less about how it looks in the mirror. My body concerns now lie solely in my actual health and function, and I am confident in saying that I’ll never stress about my weight again.
