I’m Married, but We Travel Separately; Solo Travel Helps Our Marriage

Earlier this year, I took a train to Oceanside, one of my favorite places in Southern California — but I did so without my husband.

This was one of the many solo trips I’ve taken since we got married six years ago. These days, I typically travel alone at least two or three times a year.

Don’t get me wrong: I love being around my husband, and I always prefer to take trips with him whenever possible. However, solo travel has become an integral part of staying connected to myself.

For us, taking solo trips while married isn’t about escaping each other. It’s about investing in our individual growth — and, by extension, our relationship.

Here are a few ways it’s made us stronger as a couple.

Time away gives us some much-needed space

Both my husband and I have worked from home for the majority of our marriage, meaning we’re almost constantly together. We also live in a two-bedroom apartment, so there’s limited space to retreat.

Going on regular solo trips allows us to break out of the familiarity (and occasional annoyances) of constant proximity.

As someone who has struggled with codependency in the past, creating space in our togetherness reinforces my sense of autonomy — which, ironically, makes me feel more present in our relationship, not less.

We have more to talk about once I’m back

Although my husband and I have been married for over six years, we’ve been together for 13 years, or a third of our lives.

We know practically everything about each other, and our conversations can often start to feel mundane as a result.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy those everyday chats about how cute our cat is (very cute), what to have for dinner (often chili), or what we want to watch on Netflix — but solo travel gives us new stories, perspectives, and sometimes even new interests to discuss.

Solo travel helps us enjoy our individual hobbies

My husband and I have a lot of shared interests, but we have individual passions, too. While I took up “grandma” hobbies like cross-stitching and gardening during the pandemic, he became obsessed with baseball.

A couple of years ago, my husband planned a solo trip where he went to a baseball game every day. Although we’ve gone to plenty of games together, going to that many would have been too much for me.

By taking his own trip, he didn’t need to worry about whether I was getting antsy or not having a good time — he could fully immerse himself in the experience.

These types of trips let us both lean into what excites us individually, which makes talking about it later even more fun.

Recharging helps the way I show up in our relationship

As introverts, my husband and I both need alone time to feel refreshed.

Although we find ways to snag bits of quiet peace at home — a nap here, a meditation there — oftentimes, a change of scenery can give us both that much-needed sense of feeling recharged.

Traveling alone, especially when nature is involved, lets me take a breather and move at my own pace. I always find that I come back more present, patient, and open — all the things that help me show up as a better partner.

It makes me appreciate my partner and our marriage even more

Maybe it’s my love of Jane Austen novels talking, but there is something to that classic idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

By the end of a solo trip, I always miss my husband intensely and can’t wait to be back in his arms.

On a recent trip I took to Florida, we made sure to talk every day, sharing funny stories or just how we were feeling. Sometimes those conversations even veered off into flirty or sexy territory, which definitely helped build anticipation for when we were reunited.

Even more meaningful, though, is that the distance often helps me appreciate him in a deeper way. When I get back, all the little things I love — the way he makes me laugh, the comfort of his presence, even how he loads the dishwasher — are highlighted in a new way.

Ultimately, although it seems counterintuitive, traveling alone reminds me how lucky I am to have someone I can’t wait to come home to.