- Zou Qiang, 39, is the founder of a tailoring brand based in Shanghai.
- She met her partner 11 years ago and, like an increasing number of women in China, doesn’t plan to get married or have kids.
- Part of her decision is due to money and time, but it’s also a personal choice.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Zou Qiang, a fashion designer and owner of a tailoring brand in Shanghai. The following has been translated and edited for length and clarity.
My parents divorced when I was young, and I didn’t have a very happy childhood. After I grew up, I wanted to do things that made me happy. I don’t want to give to other people; I just want to make up for that time. Maybe that’s selfish, but I’ve thought that for a long time.
I met my partner on an online dating forum. We were both based in Shanghai and, after a few months of chatting online, met up in person for Japanese food.
After a couple of months of dating, we decided to make it official. We shared the same perspective on what a relationship should be — monogamous best friends who are attracted to each other.
We’ve been together for 11 years now. We rent a two-bedroom apartment in the center of Shanghai, where we pay 10,000 yuan a month in rent, or $1,370. It’s relatively cheap as we rented it unfurnished.
My mom often gets asked by her friends why I don’t have children and why she doesn’t put pressure on me. She points out to them that they have to look after their grandchildren every day and how it’s aged them while she can go traveling. She’s not the typical Chinese mother.
Many of my friends’ parents believe that since they raised their children, they are entitled to be repaid with grandchildren or to be cared for in their old age. They see their kids as investments, not as individuals. My mom just wants me to be happy, and she says that makes her happy.
My partner’s parents have been asking if we’ll have children. They live in a village about 140 miles from Shanghai and have told my partner that it’s embarrassing not to have grandchildren. But so far, I haven’t changed my mind. Sometimes, parental pressure gets to my partner, and we discuss having kids, but I’d be the one carrying the baby, and I don’t want to.
I have no interest in being a mom
Two other concerns I have about having a child are finances and who would take care of them. Having a child costs a lot of money. In Shanghai, I would need around 200,000 yuan, or $27,400, spare for hospital costs and basic necessities the first year. Also, to keep up with my job, I might need to hire a nanny.
My partner works in sales for a tech company, commutes to the office, and makes more than me. As I work from home and run my own business, I know I would be the one responsible for taking care of the child.
I’ve noticed that after a few of my friends had kids, they often started complaining to me. They tell me what hard work it is and about conflicts with their partners. None of them put pressure on me to have a child. About half of my friends have kids. The other half don’t want kids or haven’t found a suitable partner.
Zou Qiang
My fashion line is my baby
I started my own brand 12 years ago, and it’s like my child. I even feel like every piece of clothing I make is like a child. When I’m designing, I start with an idea, look for the fabric, and find the buttons. After it’s made, I still think about and care about each piece.
This winter, I designed a series inspired by a story about my partner’s father. He rarely came home, but when he did for Lunar New Year, he’d pull money from a pocket sewn inside his coat. Each coat in my series features a unique inner pocket, meant to hold a piece of your childhood while keeping an adult appearance.
I design around four seasons of clothing a year for my brand, Duet, and also make individual pieces. I price them from 600 yuan for a pair of trousers to 3,000 yuan for a dress or coat. Everything is tailored. My clients tend to be women aged 35 to 50. My brand combines traditional Chinese elements with more modern Western styles.
Zou Qiang
I get to do what I like
Before I started my brand, I studied marketing and international tourism. I worked in human resources and then as a Mandarin teacher. When I had to go to an office, I couldn’t sit still, and I felt bored. I’m doing work that I like now, and I can do whatever I want.
I eat out at least five times a week and travel several times a year. The last trip I took was to Russia with my partner, and we spent around 20,000 yuan on bear watching, climbing a volcano, and whale watching. We both like snow-capped mountains, so we travel to mountainous places every year. I would find it hard to give up my lifestyle to have a kid.
Despite China’s efforts to encourage childbearing — including monetary rewards and subsidies — I come across more and more people who, like me, are not interested in having kids. In the past, people would think that you were weird if you didn’t have children.
There are more and more weird people now, so it’s become a normal thing.
Do you have a personal essay about life as a millennial in China that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor at akarplus@businessinsider.com.
