This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lonni Pike. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Eleven years ago, when I was 51, I got sober after years of struggling with addiction. I felt vibrant again and ready for my life to start.
What I was met with was messaging on TV, social media, and even in day-to-day life that I had missed the train. I was too old, too boring, and I would just need to move along.
Everything associated with women and aging seemed to be negative. Even women themselves were negative about aging, and started hiding away, blending in, or getting treatments to chase youth.
But that wasn’t going to be me. I was tenacious and determined to live the life I had another chance at.
I started expressing myself through fashion
Loving fashion, I started finding clothes that told the world who I was. Fashion is much more than clothing — it’s the way people feel about themselves.
Most women my age had given in to the expectation that an aging woman is meant to be drab and boring.
For a bit of fun, I went to a clothing store and asked a staff member to help me find something to wear. She chose a pair of tan pants and a button-up, plain top, with a pair of loafers.
We are told not to show our arms because they are too flabby, not to wear miniskirts because our legs should not be seen, and to avoid bold colors so we don’t stand out in a crowd.
I’d break out of this noise and dress in a way that made me feel good about myself.
Courtesy of Lonni Pike
With the help of my son, who studied broadcast journalism, I started posting on social media about what I was wearing.
I remember people telling me I looked like I was dressing like a teenager, or asking why I was wearing men’s clothing. I often responded by saying that clothes don’t have an age or gender, and that I was dressing to represent myself.
I’ve now created a community, mostly of women, who are watching my content and being reminded that aging isn’t something to fear. It isn’t the end.
My quest to age in the way I wanted didn’t end with fashion
I shaved my head because I hated my hair and felt that a buzz cut would make me feel more like I felt inside.
Three years ago, I started a gaming channel, and I’ve become a TikTok gaming live pro and Twitch partner.
My sons had always played video games, and it looked really fun. But I knew it was a notoriously young crowd. I asked if I was too old to game. It was when I found another gamer, Tactical Grandma, who was around my age, that I knew I should try it.
I started solo hiking because, after getting sober, I needed that time alone outside, moving, to reflect. Slowly, I built up my fitness.
In October, I’ll run my first 5 K. This was a goal I had after watching people run a half-marathon. I thought half-marathoners would be young and super fit, but there are so many different ages and shapes.
Having gotten tattoos for years, I was determined to continue getting them as I aged. They are my life’s journey inked out on my skin. I don’t worry about the wrinkles or a changing body shape that might alter how they look. The canvas the tattoos are on doesn’t have to be perfect — I love the tattoos for what they represent, not for how aesthetically pleasing they are to other people.
Next month, I plan to get bird tattoos along the right side of my neck.
As I continue to age, I want to be louder. Not “in your face” kind of loud, but I do want to talk more frequently about aging.
Women can be comfortable getting older. They don’t need to be perfect to be beautiful. In the world of AI, injectables, and cosmetic procedures, this is a powerful message.
It seems that growing old is becoming a dying art. That’s why I want to pop up in their feeds to say that none of it’s true. Aging doesn’t have to be something we dread.
Sometimes, my body doesn’t keep up with my brain. Running had been hard and ruined my feet. Gaming for eight hours a day has been hard on my body. And that’s OK — I’ll pivot and pursue something else instead.
I tried new things in my 50s and 60s, and I’ll continue fearlessly trying more until I can’t anymore.
