- Sean O’Grady is head of Trust and Safety at Pocket Worlds.
- Before that, he worked at TikTok.
- He says there are good resources to help parents navigate the complexity of online safety.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sean O’Grady, head of Trust and Safety at Pocket Worlds. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When I was younger, gaming played a seminal role in my life. My brother and I loved the pretend worlds our Nintendo took us to through games like Mario and Zelda. I spent long nights with my uncle playing Tetris. Later, PC games like Civilization fostered my love of history and urged me to learn more about the societies that have shaped our world.
As an adult, I’ve become interested in both the promise and the dangers of the internet, online gaming, and apps. I’ve come to think of the internet like the ocean: It’s a wonder but also highly dangerous. Navigating it is very complex.
I worked in trust and safety at TikTok, and now at the company that runs HighRise, an online game mostly for young women. I’m also a girl dad — my daughters are 4 and 7 — so I’m thinking more about online safety not only for my kids but for all young people. Here’s how all parents can help keep kids and teens safe online.
Foster resiliency in kids
My wife would like it if our kids never gamed online because she feels that’s safest. I just don’t think that’s realistic. Eliminating screen time entirely from kids or teens puts them behind the curve.
Instead, we need to foster resilience in kids and teens. Talk clearly with them about the dangers that exist online — just like you do about the dangers in the real world. Build digital literacy, and remind them they should never accept cyber bullying or other harmful behavior. Remind kids they can always come to you if they’re uncomfortable with behavior online, just like they would if they encountered that behavior at school.
Don’t let online take away from the real world
I served with the Army in Iraq and Afghanistan. When we were deployed, gaming could provide a break from a really harsh reality. That was a good thing, but I soon noticed the addictive side of things. People would stay up until 3 a.m. gaming when they had to be on duty at 5 a.m. Their performance suffered.
Parents should know how gaming and online activity impact teens’ real lives. As games have become more complex, getting drawn into them is easier. Teens can easily lose track of time and the responsibilities they need to take care of.
Discuss anonymity
When my generation was gaming, we didn’t have the option to be anonymous because whoever we were playing with was sitting next to us on the couch. Today, anonymity online has scaled beyond any early gamer’s imagination.
Educate kids about how anonymity can lead to harassment, exploitation, and misinformation. Remind them that anonymous people sometimes feel emboldened to say or do things they won’t otherwise do.
Talk about gaming expenses
These days, gamers can spend real money buying accessories for their online games. Even kids want to buy Robux, the virtual currency for the popular Roblox game. Not only can this spending have a real-world impact on finances, but it can also open the door for manipulation.
Remind kids never to make direct transactions with another user but to go through the app. Never share credit card information or potential security questions like your pets’ names.
Spend time on parental controls
When I was at TikTok, a friend complained to me about his young daughter watching videos of girls dancing in bikinis. I pointed out that the girl was too young for a TikTok account, and the dad said she was just using his account. Turns out, those videos were what the algorithm knew he wanted to see.
Any content protections for kids won’t function if parents aren’t putting in the world to use them. For example, I admire the parental controls on YouTube Kids. Setting them for our children takes work upfront, but it’s worth it.
Use resources to help you
Parenting kids who are engaged online becomes more complex every day. Luckily, parents don’t have to do it alone. Teams like mine are working proactively to reduce risks at the systemic level, while organizations are also taking a stand.
NetSmartz helps teens and their parents understand how to respond if they see inappropriate content online. Common Sense Media helps parents understand which movies, games, and apps are appropriate for various ages, and the Family Online Safety Institute has many good resources for parents.
I come from a family of police officers and have always felt a call to serve and protect. I did that with the military, and I’m confident that I’m doing that now by promoting safety online.
