My family of four has always traveled together on vacations. But now that our daughters are teenagers, everything has changed.
My teens rarely agree on activities, and we’ve found ourselves frustrated and squabbling rather than enjoying the family vacation.
So this summer, we decided to split our teens up for two major trips: My 14-year-old and I traveled to Quebec City, and my husband brought our 16-year-old along on a business trip to Prague.
I worried we would miss out on the traditional family vacation
As summer approached, friends asked about our travel plans. A few seemed surprised when I mentioned that we were taking separate trips with the kids.
“Oh, really?” they said, giving me curious looks. “Why?”
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I felt sheepish explaining our plans, as if we were doing something wrong. The internet and social media are filled with images of smiling families on vacation, frolicking on sparkling beaches, or posing in front of gorgeous mountains. With our daughters’ high school graduations looming in the distance, I worried that by splitting up, we would miss out on creating special memories while our kids were still young.
But in reality, our family vacations have rarely resembled the idyllic version that’s so prevalent online. While one of our daughters loves the fast-paced energy of big cities, the other prefers a cozier, more leisurely experience. And while my husband likes to follow an itinerary on trips, I feel less urgency to stick to a schedule.
On past vacations, we tried to compromise with different activities, but arguments still erupted, leaving us all in sour moods. We decided that trying a new approach was worthwhile.
Splitting up the trips worked for all of us
Traveling with two people instead of four had distinct advantages, like the ability to quickly adjust plans to suit our preferences and energy levels.
For instance, my daughter and I were able to snag a last-minute dinner reservation at a popular Italian restaurant. On another occasion, as we were exploring Petit Champlain, a shopping district, my daughter asked if we could go somewhere less crowded. If our entire family had been together, we would have spent time trying to find a solution that satisfied everyone. Instead, my daughter and I had a quick chat, strolled to the nearest funicular, and were on our way.
We also found that the trips facilitated meaningful connections with our kids. My husband and older daughter enjoyed going out to dinner together. Over traditional Czech food, my husband shared stories from his first year in college. Our daughter later told us the conversations helped her feel closer to her dad.
During our trip, my younger daughter convinced me to read a book series about Irish teenagers. Each night in our hotel room, we convened our own book club, discussing our favorite characters and the latest plot twists.
Splitting up our teenagers gave them more agency to shape their travel experiences. While my husband was in meetings, our older daughter decided to venture out and explore the nearby shops on her own. When our younger teen seemed lukewarm about the walking tour I had arranged for us, I asked for her input on other options. We wound up booking an activity that better suited her night owl personality: a twilight ghost stories tour led by a costumed character who narrated tales of murder, revenge, and crime.
I revived some dormant travel skills
Traveling solo with my teen had another benefit: It forced me out of my comfort zone. Since my husband always plans our vacations, I had to dust off some travel-specific skills. I researched restaurants, scoped out tourist attractions, and learned how to navigate the neighborhoods around our hotel.
During the trip, I also coped with various snafus that challenged my ability to stay calm under pressure. In one instance, I didn’t have enough cash to pay our taxi driver. Two failed ATM attempts later, I was apologizing in broken French and ready to panic — but as the sole adult on the trip, I knew a meltdown wasn’t an option. Fortunately, I was able to secure help from our hotel’s front desk.
The best part of taking separate trips was that when we all returned home, everyone was excited to reconnect. My daughters greeted each other like long-lost friends, eager to share stories and souvenirs. And I realized that sometimes, time apart can help bring you closer.
