- I had my kids pretty close in age, and people would often tell me they’d be best friends.
- They are polar opposites, and I wish they were closer.
- But maybe all the bickering is simply how siblings interact with each other.
When I had two babies under 2, people assured me they would be best friends.
It was a comforting thought during that blur of time when I was buying two different sizes of diapers, wrestling two car seats into the back of my car, and spending hours each night singing endless rounds of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and “You Are My Sunshine.”
But the developmental milestones come so fast in those early childhood years that they were never quite able to be the best friends. The most I could hope for was that they would get along long enough for me to throw dinner on the table. There were days when even that was wishful thinking.
They were brothers through and through, alternating between playing together and scream-fighting with each other, often within the same day — or hour.
They are so different
Now, at 13 and 15, my boys are vastly different from each other. One is an introverted gamer who thrives on routine, and the other is an extroverted adventurer who craves novelty. One gave me a three-page Christmas list, while the other told me three things he wanted before saying, “But I don’t really need anything.” They are in the same drama class at school, but while one of my boys happily tackled the role of Colonel Mustard in the fall production, the other relished the challenge of set-building and manning the lighting system behind the scenes.
Their differences are a laundry list of polar opposite preferences.
But I’ve noticed a subtle shift recently. They’re both in their school’s Dungeons & Dragons club but in different campaign groups. Last week, my younger son told me his brother’s group had invited him to join them during club time and after school.
I wanted them to be best friends
I was surprised to find myself hoping they might finally be working toward the friendship that would make them the best friends everyone told me they would be.
I have never known the sibling bond that I hope my children will treasure into adulthood. It’s a lonely feeling, not having anyone with whom I can reminisce about my childhood or being close to anyone who knows what I was like as a little girl. I know I have romanticized that connection — of inside jokes, secret codes, and shared mischief, of someone to always share the load and have your back — but I can’t help but hope my sons will find their way to such a relationship with each other.
Even now, I see flickers of what could be. Last night, I overheard one of them offer to help the other tweak his D&D character sheet. I could hear them talking — collaborating, even — as they shared ideas and laughed at each other’s absurd suggestions. For a moment, they sounded like friends, and I dared to imagine that this simple gesture might mark the beginning of a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
It’s too much to hope that playing D&D together once a week will foster a newfound appreciation for each other’s interests. And I know their not-quite-two-year age gap probably feels like a vast chasm to them, with each of them standing on the opposite side. With their whole lives in front of them, it must feel like the relationship they share with each other is a given, a sure thing, a constant that requires neither thought nor effort. And maybe it is.
Maybe one day, they will be
It’s possible that it will take years, separated by life choices that take them to different colleges or other pursuits that allow them to establish their sense of self and independence before they find their way back to the path that leads to their childhood home and the first companion they ever had. Maybe then they’ll appreciate the bond of birth and shared memories that make their relationship special.
As I hear them in the next room, arguing over the computer for the third time today, I can’t help but wonder if I’m overthinking it all. Maybe this — the bickering and taking each other for granted and not being able to stand the sight of each other but still asking where the other one is when they’re not in the same room — maybe this really is what sibling best-friendship looks like.
Knowing that no matter how much they might argue, they can still turn to each other when they need something and count on their brother to be there, regardless of their differences.
