- When my kids left for college I wanted to know more about their lives.
- I started a silly game to get them to engage with me over text while at college.
- I still would love life updates from them, but our fun exchanges keep us connected.
Many parents of teens and young adults may relate to this twist on the old horse-to-water proverb — you can pay for your kids’ cellphone plans, but you can’t make them text you back.
This never felt more true than when my sons left for college. Missing them and wanting to check in and see how things were going, I’d frequently send them “Hey! How are you? What’s new?” or “What are you up to this weekend?” texts.
Sometimes, I’d get a quick “Good.” Maybe I’d receive a “Grabbing lunch. LY” or a “Meeting with a study group now. TTYL.” Other times, hours or days would pass without a reply. I understood. I knew they were busy.
When I was in college in the early 1990s, in the days before texting or even personal email was widespread, my mom would call the hall phone in my dorm at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays and Sundays. If it was in use, we’d catch up another time.
Modern technology can be a blessing and a curse. Just because my boys are reachable doesn’t mean they’re readily available.
I started a silly game by accident
Still, I wanted to know what they were up to and would reach out, always hoping for a reply. I tried sending photos of our cats with the message “Bubbles and Boots say goodnight!” but I was lucky if those texts garnered a heart or a thumbs-up.
Then, purely by accident, I discovered something that had them responding almost instantly. In a text chat, I wrote: “True or false: I just walked in on a man using the toilet at the gym because he didn’t lock the door to the single-stall bathroom.”
Within seconds, my phone pinged: “True … hope it’s false,” and “Yikes, true, but please say false!”
After confirming it was indeed true — and very embarrassing — I wondered: Had I magically caught them with a bit of simultaneous downtime, or was I onto something?
A few weeks later, I sent another. “True or False: A woman just backed out of coming to my book event because she’s prepping her dog for a colonoscopy.”
Again, my phone chimed seconds after I sent it. “Oof, so specific it has to be true (and sorry about that if I’m right)” and “True — poor doggie.”
It allowed me to remind them of things too
OK, so I wasn’t getting lengthy or informative paragraphs about their day-to-day adventures, but it was proof of life and certainly more than I’d gotten before. Once I had their attention, could I use it as a springboard to convey more important information?
I tested it out with this — “True or False: Grammy came over for dinner tonight and I just finished filming her audition reel for The Golden Bachelor.”
“False” and “Oh no, please say false!” popped up minutes later. I told them they were right; it was false, but I also reminded them that her birthday was coming up and that they needed to call her.
What about this game made it far more effective than even the cutest pet photos? Did it appeal to their competitive spirits, their desire to choose the right answer? Did it pique their curiosity? Or maybe it was just easy, a low commitment. They knew they could type a single word and move on.
Whatever the reason, it did the trick. We keep it up when they’re home in the summer.
Another nice thing about this game is that they’ve started initiating it. When my younger son was flying back from a short study abroad course, he texted, “True or false: I’ve changed my ticket, and I’m actually going to Barbados instead of coming home and going back to school.”
I wrote, “False, but if true, I’d be happy to fly there to pick you up!”
While it would be lovely to receive detailed texts filled with updates about classes, friends, and whatever else they choose to share, sometimes a short, fun exchange is all you get. Maybe that’s enough.
