I Stayed in My College Town After Graduating, but I Was Still Lonely

When I graduated from Texas Christian University last year, I didn’t want to leave.

I enjoyed my time at school so much, and the thought of parting ways with the community, the people, and the routine I had settled into over the past four years didn’t sit right with me.

I didn’t want to stop visiting the Stockyards for group dinners and rodeos, walking along the Trinity River at sunset, or attending the church I’d frequented for so many years.

Plus, I felt there was more to experience in Fort Worth beyond my campus bubble, and I didn’t want to return to my hometown in California. So, I thought staying in the city I had come to love so much would make the transition after graduating easier and ease my anxieties about postgrad life.

My boyfriend was still in school at TCU, and all of my closest friends decided to stick around as well, either by getting jobs nearby or by continuing their studies, which made my decision even easier.

I expected us to hang out all the time, go out to dinner, and show up at each other’s apartments unannounced, just like when we were in school.

It seemed like I had created the most seamless transition into this next phase of adulthood — or so I thought.

I stayed close to the people I loved, but still felt lonely

In the months after graduation, I started to feel a loneliness creep in that I couldn’t make sense of.

I was living with two of my best friends, the rest of them lived in the same apartment complex as us, and my boyfriend and I had just celebrated our first anniversary. Yet, I still felt isolated.

I was the only one out of our group of friends with a standard 9-to-5 job — everyone else had more flexible roles or was continuing their education.

I felt completely out of sync with them: while I sat in an office all day, some of them bounced from class to class or didn’t have to work much at all. When I came home from work tired and wanting to stay home for the night, some of them were desperate to go out.

Along with our routines being nothing alike, I didn’t really understand their daily responsibilities anymore, and they didn’t understand mine.

I would try to explain my job in advertising strategy to my friend who worked with kids in special education, and it felt like there was a disconnect. We recognized the basics of each other’s work, but there was less common ground to relate to.

On top of that disconnect, scheduling time to spend with anyone took more effort than I’d ever had to make before. Instead of being completely spontaneous, an evening walk after work with a friend suddenly had to be planned a week in advance.

My days also rarely lined up with my boyfriend’s. Because he was still in school, he had pockets of free time throughout the day, but his extracurriculars took up his weeknights. Meanwhile, my day was blocked off from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., leaving me available only in the evening.

I thought staying in my college town would help avoid the difficulty of living far away from everyone I loved. Instead, I was right next to them, but I felt further removed than ever.

I learned that staying in the same place didn’t mean time would freeze

Now, a year and a half later, I’ve learned adult friendships require more intention. To help foster and maintain my relationships in this new era, I’ve accepted that extended time with anyone other than my roommates is easiest to achieve on weekends, not during the week.

However, inviting friends into my existing routines on a weekday has also been great, whether that’s going to the gym together or cooking dinner.

Regardless of the challenges, life after college has still been positive in other ways.

I’ve become more financially independent, established new weekly routines that fill my cup, and taken more ownership of my time by doing things like running a marathon, leading a small group in the college ministry I used to attend, and visiting my family whenever I’d like, rather than just during the holidays.

Recently, my boyfriend proposed, so now, postgrad life also includes wedding planning and preparing for marriage.

This has been a season I’ve gotten to share with a few of my friends, with many of our weeknights now spent on the couch, sending out save-the-dates, looking for bridesmaid dresses, and talking through vendor decisions.

Ironically, my fiancé and I intend to stay in Fort Worth for the foreseeable future. Do we see ourselves here forever? Not necessarily.

Regardless of where we are, though, I no longer want to hold onto the version of life I had in college; instead, I want to appreciate the one taking shape now.