When I first heard of Life360, my first thought was that I knew I never wanted to use the app to track my two kids, despite its popularity among parents. Almost a decade later, I still feel the same.
But it wasn’t until my oldest got his driver’s license in 2020 that I realized my decision to opt out of this trend was helping to build trust with my teenager. And now, my relationships with both of my kids are better for it.
I prefer conversations to spying
Life360 is an app advertised as a way to coordinate within families, from keeping up with busy schedules to checking everyone’s locations. The app also boasts safety features that are likely to appeal to parents of new drivers.
But as a mother, I only saw it as a way to spy on kids, something I had no intention of doing.
Of course, it’s important to know where they are and who they’re with. And I’m sure they occasionally didn’t tell me the truth about their whereabouts, and though that’s not ideal, it’s been fine. I know I wasn’t always honest with my parents about these things when I was a teen.
Instead of seeing where my kids are via an app, I prefer to have face-to-face conversations about their friends, jobs, after-school activities, and their everyday lives and interests.
A therapist’s advice helped me
The issue of tracking came up when my son started driving and again when my daughter got her license three years later. As I contemplated whether or not to track them as most of their friends’ parents did, I recalled advice a therapist gave me years earlier as we discussed parenting during the pandemic.
“Remember what it was like to be their age,” the therapist said. “Try to recall your mindset and think about how you would feel going through what they’re going through.”
That advice served me well in many parenting situations, including the Life 360 decision. I reflected on my emotions and thoughts at their ages, remembering how I wanted to be independent, learn to make decisions, and trust my own judgment. My parents didn’t have the ability to track me, and if they had, I’m certain I would have figured out ways to get around it, just as teens do today.
More on child independence
For instance, when my son was in high school, the mother of one of his friends called me because her son wasn’t answering her calls, and the app pinpointed him at my address. He wasn’t at my house. But apparently his phone was.
Another mom acquaintance once told me she tracked her son at college and discovered he was skipping classes.
The app didn’t prevent these teenagers from lying to their parents or from making poor choices.
We have a zero-tolerance policy
My agreement not to track my teens did come with rules. Text me when leaving a location and when arriving at the next. Text me if plans change. Return texts from me promptly. And this deal ran on the zero-tolerance policy. If I caught them in a lie or they otherwise abused our arrangement, the app would immediately go on their phones.
My son is now 22 with a college degree, and my daughter is almost 19 and a college sophomore. I never had to follow through on that threat.
Courtesy of Heather Sweeney.
I often heard other moms talking about how tracking gives them peace of mind that their kids are safe, which sometimes made me second-guess my decision.
However, when I look at my children who aren’t children anymore, I’m thankful I opted out. I respect my young adults and love our close relationships. I trust them to use good judgment, though I know sometimes they won’t. But they’ll learn from their mistakes, and that’s part of becoming an adult, more so than their mother monitoring their every move.
