I’ve spent most of my life living close to at least some family.
My mom was always nearby in my early 20s, when I was living in my hometown of Vancouver, Canada. She’d give me rides and help me with especially heavy groceries when I didn’t have a car, and I knew her doors were always open to me if things weren’t working out with my roommates.
In the second half of that decade, I moved to the UK to be with my then-boyfriend, now my husband. We spent the first year living with his family, and it went a lot better than I expected. They were my first true friends in a new country, helping me get used to the culture, keeping me company while he was working, and taking care of my dog during the day after I got a job. Even when we moved into our own place, we were still never far from relatives.
We decided to move back to Canada and live near family
So when my husband and I decided to move back to Canada in 2023, we understandably chose to live in a city with the same kind of family support. My mom, sister, and her family had moved over from the BC mainland to Victoria on nearby Vancouver Island while I was in the UK. We knew that being in the same city as them would make resettling a lot easier, having done it once before.
We stayed with my sister’s family when we first moved, which meant we had a home to go to when we landed — and it helped us save a lot on temporary rentals we might have had to use otherwise. It also made setting up accounts easier as we had a permanent address to use.
Eventually, we found a place of our own near my mom’s home, which meant she was also able to offer us support while we were getting settled. That support continued even as we got more used to our new lives on the island, which made the transition back home much easier. It was the first time my family had all lived in the same city in almost a decade (my sister spent a lot of the 2010s living in France), and it was nice that we were all able to be there for each other.
Then our dynamic changed again.
Maria Polansky
Then, my family moved away
My sister’s family moved back to Europe in 2024 after her husband started feeling homesick for Ireland, the country where he grew up. My mom moved back to Vancouver earlier this year after her partner expressed that he missed the conveniences and more urban feel of the mainland.
Now, for the first time in my adult life, I’m living totally separate from family — and I actually don’t mind.
Do I miss my mom being able to pick up better-value groceries from Costco for me? Yes. Do I feel bad that I don’t get to see my nieces and nephews very often? Also yes. But ultimately, my husband and I have to do what’s right for us.
We’re still here, and I love where we live
We appreciate so much about our new city: its natural beauty, relaxed pace of life, compact size and walkability, and great weather (for Canada, at least). My husband has also found a good job, and we feel that settling down here feels more realistic than Vancouver, as Victoria has slightly lower property costs.
We’ve come to a point where we feel that the benefits of our new city outweigh proximity to relatives. Plus, I’m used to not having everyone nearby after my own time abroad and growing up in an immigrant family with all my relatives in other countries.
I realize this kind of separation from family isn’t for everyone, but my upbringing essentially primed me for it. As much as my family values each other, we also know that carving your own path often leads to greater fulfillment.
