Before heading out to the bar on our final day of junior year at the University of Maryland, I sat in my empty college apartment with my friends, laughing over a dumb sitcom while scrolling on our phones.
Half of our stuff was in boxes as we were preparing to move into our very own house for the next school year. We fantasized about the parties we would throw and the decorating we would do.
But then, two months later, everything was turned upside down when one friend backed out and moved to Wisconsin to pursue a new career path. We were scrambling to find a replacement, but luckily, we weren’t the only ones looking for a roommate.
When I was talking to my mom about the situation, my 24-year-old brother, who was three years out of college, was on the other end of the phone. Turns out, he was trying to find a place to live after his arrangements in Baltimore — about 40 minutes from my school — changed at the last minute.
My mom listened to both her children in a state of panic and was able to solve both problems with the most cruel suggestion a college girl could ever hear. “Why don’t you move in together?”
Sure, that’s just how every girl wants to spend her senior year of college. It was my parents’ dream and my own nightmare.
My brother and I are close, but this still seemed like a crazy idea. However, we’d already signed a lease and didn’t want to cover the rent for our friend who moved away. So, my brother and I talked on the phone, toying with the idea, before meeting up for lunch and deciding to officially become roommates for the first time since high school.
Despite any hesitations, once the summer ended, we all moved into the house together.
Suddenly, my senior year of college looked less like a coming-of-age movie and more like an episode of “New Girl.” Three college girls and my older brother, all under one roof.
My brother became an unexpected safe space for me
Caroline Lissy
Whenever my brother and I told people we were living together, we got some crazy looks. There were a lot of questions for him about how he could live with a bunch of college girls and function as a full-time adult. There were also a lot of questions for me, a full-blown party girl, about whether I would feel uncomfortable living with my overprotective brother.
We were living different lives and were on completely different pages — or so we thought. Surprisingly, after moving in, there were moments when I was thankful my brother was there.
When I had a falling-out with my roommates around the second half of the school year, and tensions grew, my brother was there to have my back. The living room no longer felt like a safe space, so I would go to his room instead.
Then, six months into our living arrangement, I got news that one roommate had received a full-time job offer, while the other was accepted into graduate school. Meanwhile, I was a straight-A student with four different internships, who was going to be completely jobless.
It felt unfair and difficult to speak with my friends about my unemployment and fear of adulthood since they couldn’t relate. So, in these moments, I ended up going to my brother, since he had gone through the same situation a few years back when he was finishing school.
As I learned more about his life, his perspective helped me navigate my own experiences — and brought us closer, too.
Fast-forward a couple of months, and my brother and I spent the majority of our time at home laughing on the couch, watching reality television, and talking about our weekday struggles. While I was struggling to find a job, my brother was struggling with his work as an elementary school teacher.
When I was complaining about guys, he was telling me about his dating failures. Sure, living together while navigating our respective romantic lives was occasionally awkward, but we did our best to keep our flings from crossing paths.
Before long, we were both spending our Sundays hungover on the couch, debriefing our weekends. Although my brother may not have found the same common ground with the other girls I was living with — who were practically strangers to him — we were closer than we’ve ever been.
Living with my brother made me less afraid of life after college
Caroline Lissy
Spending this much time with my brother alleviated any fears I had of adulthood.
His day-to-day life wasn’t too different from mine, but while I was attending classes as a student, he was leading them as a teacher. Although I had no plans to become an educator, he gave me advice on navigating the workforce and figuring out how to be a grown-up.
More than anything, he showed me that postgrad life could still be fun. I could go to the gym and blast my music, grab drinks with friends, and binge-watch my favorite shows. The difference was that life felt a little more elevated, with new opportunities to step outside my college bubble.
At the end of the day, he taught me that the problems we face after college are not so different from the ones we had in college. Whether someone is newly postgrad, graduated 10 years ago, or is still completing their studies, we are all figuring things out in our own way.
We now live in different cities with our significant others, but spending a year together created a bond that makes my brother feel more like my best friend than a sibling.
We still talk every day, and now we get to laugh with each other’s partners about the realities of living with us. After all, we’ve both been there.
