I Live and Work in Different Cities: Great for Work-Life Balance

Working in a city over 300 miles from where I live is one of those life decisions I never considered possible until I did it.

Now, I can’t imagine any other configuration.

I live in a suburb of Los Angeles and work in San Jose, which is about a five-hour drive or an hourlong flight away.

This arrangement started during the COVID-19 pandemic, when my workplace went remote — at the time, moving to Southern California to be close to my family made the most sense.

Even after remote work ended, though, I found that I didn’t want to leave LA. I decided I’d rather commute to work by plane than relocate to San Jose.

I know this lifestyle is unconventional, but it’s helped me balance my life as a working mother and wife.

By splitting my time between Los Angeles and San Jose, I can devote as much of myself to my career as I do my family — all while maintaining that ever-elusive work-life balance.

Work-life balance is easier when there are hundreds of miles between work and home

I work as a psychology professor, and my classes usually fall on two days of the week. Meanwhile, the other parts of my job — like attending meetings, mentoring students, and conducting research — are more flexible.

I’ve discovered that living far from where I work makes it easier for me to enforce work-life balance. Thanks to the distance, there are non-negotiable logistical limits on when I schedule in-person meetings.

Meanwhile, because I fly to my job in San Jose, I’m able to tackle a lot of remote tasks — like answering emails and grading papers — during my commute.

I’ve found that the same things that make flying a pain, such as prolonged time in airport waiting areas or boring hours spent on a flight with limited movies, are actually great for boosting productivity.

Even spotty or nonexistent WiFi forces me to focus on what I can get done without the internet to distract me.

It can be hard to form and keep friendships as an adult, but having lives in 2 different cities helps

I grew up in LA and went to college in Berkeley, so this setup helps me maintain friendships with people from several different chapters of my life.

I have college friends who didn’t leave the Bay Area, and commuting once a week helps us keep in touch. We try to get brunch or coffee as a group at least once a semester. If I worked closer to home, though, we’d probably only see each other once a year, if that.

Meanwhile, when I’m back in LA, I also get to meet up with my high-school friends and other parent friends I’ve made over the years on a regular basis.

Even my kids love this setup

My family is the primary reason I don’t live in the same city where I work. All my extended relatives live in the Los Angeles area, and my children and spouse adore it here.

My parents, in particular, have become big fans of this arrangement: They pick my kids up from school and take them out to dinner on nights I’m working late, and they look forward to this extra bonding time.

As for my children, they love the days when I fly to work. I always go out of my way to pick up a treat for them before I fly home, so they can be excited by my return rather than upset about my departure.

I’ve been told that, especially as a woman, it’s impossible to “have it all.” Working in a different part of the state, however, allows me to make both my career and my family happy.

This setup is unique and may not work for everyone, but it allows me to get the best out of both worlds.