I Got Sober and Took Custody of My Kids. Cooking Helped Us Heal.

This interview is based on a conversation with tattoo artist Blake Benson, 29, of Tennessee. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I bounced around a lot in my childhood and teenhood, doing stuff I shouldn’t have at a young age, like drinking alcohol.

After I was adopted at 15, my new family instilled in me what being a normal functioning adult involved if I wanted to be a member of society.

They had a large house, and I got to see a different side of the world. When I was a kid, there were times when our home didn’t have electricity.

I always wanted to be a tattoo artist

But I’m actually grateful for that upbringing because it taught me humility. Some people are sheltered their whole lives and don’t realize that others might not be able to afford their bills.

At 18, I started working in blue-collar jobs like construction and as an automechanic. But I wasn’t fulfilled. I’d always wanted to be a tattoo artist, and thought it was out of my reach.

Somehow, I made it happen, beginning as an apprentice who made barely any money and working my way into better tattoo places.

Then I met my kids’ mom. We had our son, Yliee, now 3, before we got married, and then our daughter, October, now 1.

We separated soon after she was born, and I was sad and miserable. I had this idea of what my family was going to look like — with the big house and white picket fence — and now it seemed impossible.

I was pretty selfish during that phase, prioritizing myself and numbing myself with alcohol. I couch-surfed with friends. It wasn’t as if I was a bad dad, but I wasn’t stepping up in the way that I needed to.

Then, around eight months ago, I realized that I had to be the adult here. I got sober, and the children came to live with me.

Homemade food can make you feel loved

We found our footing and got our own apartment. It has two bedrooms, but only one person can go into the bathroom at a time because it’s so tiny. The kitchen is the size of a small closet.

It would have been easier to live off fast food that was convenient to prepare. But I’d grown up seeing that you can provide love through cooking.

My grandmother would make us Southern dishes, like biscuits and gravy, and it made us feel loved. I wanted my kids to feel the same way by taking the time to nourish them in the best way I could.

I buy fresh fruit, vegetables, and meat from Walmart because I prefer to feed them meals made from scratch rather than processed.

Breakfast might be French toast, lunch could be fruit, salad, and a kids’ charcuterie board, and dinner might be something like pesto pasta and steak.

I’m lucky because Yliee and October are adventurous eaters and are willing to try pretty much anything. It’s become a game as they decide what they like the most.

But I’m not above doing the occasional “lazy” meal like chicken nuggets and fries. It’s all about balance.

I want to show authenticity as a single parent

I launched my Instagram and TikTok in March to record our lifestyle and the meals I make. The idea is to create a digital scrapbook for my kids.

Still, I’m no longer afraid to be vulnerable in the videos. It could be why they’ve become so popular. It’s gotten to the point where people seem genuinely to care about the kids and me. Some of the comments are so kind, they’re enough to make me cry.

We have our challenges, but I want to show an authentic picture of what it’s like to be a single parent or guardian. I’m hoping that it will help people like me feel less alone.