Even before having a kid, my husband and I discussed our parenting values.
We knew we wanted our future child to grow up speaking English and my husband’s native language of Dutch. Instead of expensive trips to Disney World, we agreed we would take our child to visit real castles in Europe. We were also aligned on delaying screen time as long as possible. For us, that meant our child wouldn’t use cellphones, tablets, or watch television.
Now that we have a kid, our theoretical parenting philosophies have been tested against a real-world toddler. We’ve stuck to our guns, but sometimes we question whether parenting would be easier on us if we let our son have screen time.
We’ve held to our no-screen values, with a few exceptions
Our son is almost 3, and for the most part, he has an analog childhood, playing with blocks, cars, and coloring books instead of technology.
In practice, we’ve made a few exceptions for screens. Our son is allowed to have video calls with his grandparents. He can watch television with us if it’s an educational or news program in Dutch or a cooking show.
We made temporary exceptions during the World Cup and the Olympics. But, when it’s adult programming, my son tends to lose interest after a few minutes and then prefers to play with his toys.
We understand the temptation of letting a screen entertain a toddler
Our son has been on the move since he started crawling at 6 months old, and walking at a year old. Since he started crawling, he never stays in one place unless he’s sleeping. For most day-to-day activities, we don’t mind that our son is a busy, active toddler, but the one time we would really like a break is when we go out to eat. Occasionally my son will stay seated for a whole meal, but more often than not my husband and I take turns walking him around the restaurant. There have been meals when we didn’t even get to sit together because our son was on the move the whole time.
Courtesy of Renate Flanagan.
We’ll see other families at restaurants with their kids sitting quietly at the table. Not always, but more often than not, the kids’ eyes will be transfixed by the soft glow of a cellphone or tablet. We’ll see the parents have a peaceful meal, sitting down together the whole time and wonder, “Wow, what does that feel like?” We’re not judging; we would love a peaceful dinner too. Our worry is that giving our son a cellphone as a distraction will open a one-way door that leads to him constantly asking to use it.
Another time we feel the temptation to plant him in front of cartoons is when day care is unexpectedly closed. This past winter, we had a snowstorm that took several days to clear the roads and sidewalks, and school was closed. My husband and I are fortunate to have the flexibility to work from home, but it’s impossible to work with our son around.
Expectedly for a toddler, he demands our attention and can’t entertain himself for more than 10 to 15 minutes. My husband and I tried to juggle him between us, but quickly realized neither of us was getting any work done, and our son was understandably frustrated by our inattentiveness and the lack of stimulating activities compared to what he’s used to in day care. My husband and I ended up having to alternate days off so we could cover the childcare gap due to the snow.
There’s never a dull moment, and that has led to some fun experiences
With an active toddler, there is seldom a relaxing moment, but we have had some fun experiences because of our son’s gregariousness, which I partially attribute to his interacting with the world around him rather than being sucked into a screen.
Our son, and us by extension, have been invited to meet the chef at our favorite French restaurant. At our regular sushi place, the waitresses fuss over him and specially prepare orange slices for him.
On one occasion, our son waved to a police officer who let him sit in the driver’s seat of the police car and play with the sirens. We’ve become friendly with one of the firemen at the local fire station, and he lets our son climb into the fire engine and play with the lights.
There are moments when it might be easier for us to let our son be distracted by technology. We don’t give in because we cherish those moments where we see him engaged with the world around him, and we wouldn’t trade it, even as tempting as it can sometimes be.
