This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sarai Saez Rogers, a 36-year-old mom. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When Claire, my best friend for over 10 years, and I laid eyes on the late-18th-century duplex with a big front yard, we knew it was the perfect house to buy together.
We’d gotten to know each other in New Mexico, where both of our husbands were stationed while in the military. For 10 years, we were each other’s community. Neither of us had family around, so we had to make our own support systems.
We both got divorced
My husband and I divorced, and there was a six-month period when Claire’s husband was deployed. The two of us practically lived together for those six months. We cooked and ate together, picked each other’s kids up from school (she has two, and I have one), worked out together, and even had family sleepovers. I found that being a single mom didn’t mean I had to shoulder the load alone.
I moved to Maryland for a new job. I quickly found out how expensive it was to be a single parent, and relocated to upstate New York to live with my parents.
Claire and her husband then divorced, and she moved in with her parents in Wisconsin.
We stayed in touch, both dreaming about what it would be like to buy a house, but knowing we couldn’t afford it as single parents. Although we both appreciated living with our parents, it wasn’t an ideal situation after being used to living independently for so long.
We bought a house together
At some point during our phone calls, we considered moving in together. We trusted, respected, and liked each other. We’d both say that for the first time in a long time, we knew what it was to feel safe with another person, to be loved for who we were, rather than for who someone wanted us to be.
I had a steady income and credit, and Claire had savings, so we’d be a team if we were to buy a house together.
Courtesy of Sarai Saez Rogers
In the summer of 2024, Claire visited us in New York, and on somewhat of a whim, we decided to look at houses for sale.
We saw a happy, yellow duplex, one that our real estate agent tried to dissuade us from viewing, as it was a bit odd, and both fell in love. It was built in the 1800s with period features, located on a quiet street, with a huge yard speckled with trees. It had originally been a farmhouse with different families, so it was a perfect setup for us. There are two bedrooms upstairs, and three downstairs, with a bathroom and kitchen on each floor.
We bought it, and every day, even on the days we have arguments, I’m so glad we made the decision to live together.
I get to live with my best friend
In a world where friendships aren’t always cherished because we’re too busy, I get to see my best friend every single day. We support, love, and are there for each other at the drop of a hat.
Recently, we had gin and tonics and watched “Mulan” together, belting each song. By bucking the trend that says our setup is reserved for youth, we’re experiencing the closeness many people have when they share rooms or houses in their early 20s.
One of the questions people have asked us is what we’ll do if we develop romantic connections. I tell them we both are in romantic relationships. Claire and I have boyfriends, but why should that impact our home situation? We don’t have to move in with partners out of necessity, but only if we choose to.
Courtesy of Sarai Saez Rogers
We’ve also discussed the possibility of partners moving in — splitting the house right down the middle and having separate rather than shared living spaces.
Another question people ask is what happens if and when we argue. This is an easy one. I don’t think deep, authentic relationships can exist without conflict. In any relationship, romantic or platonic, there will be disagreements. It’s healthy if it’s dealt with in a caring, respectful way.
When we argue or get on each other’s nerves, we take space and then come back together to talk it through. It’s made us closer, rather than driving us apart.
I’m never taking friendships for granted
After my divorce, I thought a lot about how, for years, romantic love had been the epitome of a relationship, the most ideal love to build a life around.
Since living with Claire, I’ve realised I was wrong. My friendship with Claire is one of the deepest relationships I’ve ever had. Why would I not move in with her? Why would I not build a life alongside her? With her, with my friend, I feel like I’m not just surviving, but thriving.
Even though I am in a romantic relationship with someone else now, I’ll never take friendship for granted again.
Bucking convention, buying a house and living with my best friend has made me incredibly happy, happier than I ever have been.
