I was on a podcast recently, where the host’s husband had quit his job to work with her. One of her first questions for me was, “How do I make sure the business doesn’t affect our marriage?”
This question had never occurred to me in the 10-plus years I’ve worked with my husband, Heath, because we’ve been teammates from the start. I worked as a sales director in tech for over a decade before starting my side hustle as a life coach in 2013, which he fully supported.
As the business grew, I took the leap to work for myself full-time. 18 months later, in 2017, Heath left his career in investment banking to run our operations.
This makes us copreneurs, romantic partners who co-own or co-manage a business. It’s something people ask us about often as more couples become copreneurship-curious.
Here’s what I would tell couples embarking on this journey.
1. Marriage first, business second
If a business move or decision ever threatens the health of your relationship, the relationship wins — no exceptions.
When Heath and I disagree about something, it never escalates to the point of potentially ruining our relationship. We know that our work exists at the level it does only because of our partnership. Taking care of our marriage is not only a wise life decision, but it’s a sound business investment.
Your business should support your marriage, not distract from it. Companies constantly evolve, expand, pivot, sell, and even shut down. Ideally, your marriage is forever, but it’s far less likely if work, not each other, is priority No. 1.
2. You need defined roles
Courtesy of Susie Moore
The poet Kahlil Gibran said, “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
This is especially true in business. Are you aligned on what you’re building and where you want to go? The fastest way for copreneurs to create tension is confusion about who does what, or two people trying to fill the same seat.
I sometimes see couples accidentally compete with each other. You can’t both be “the visionary leader,” nor can you both lead operations, for example. And you can’t both make the final call on everything. Ideally, you know and own what your strengths are, and together the sum is greater than the parts.
Without clarity and complementary strengths, copreneurship might not be the best call — so unless it’s already obvious in your relationship, discuss division of labor. I handle content, sales, most of the coaching, product/service creation, and anything that involves being outward-facing.
Heath runs the operations — he manages paid advertising, our team, systems, execution, finances, marketing funnels, logistics, legal, and the infrastructure that makes the whole thing actually work. Our roles are equally important because you can’t have one without the other.
3. Nothing will sabotage both your business (and sex life) faster than your ego
When it comes to disagreements, your ego will want to beat the other person, but the fastest way to kill your sex life (and business) is to try to defeat your spouse. Don’t tally who did what or who made the mistake — this dynamic is utterly unsexy and not at all productive.
Commit to objectivity — the search for truth, even if it brings you to unwelcome conclusions. The strongest copreneur couples I know focus less on who’s right and more on winning together and being generous with each other. They give their partner the benefit of the doubt, let trivial things go, and keep the real goal in mind: shared success.
One small thing that helps us is having a code word, “grapefruit,” and when one of us says it, it means a particular issue really matters to them. It’s like a switch from work mode to marriage mode. The other person often listens and then defers on that subject. Just don’t overuse it.
4. Expect this dynamic to create deeper-than-therapy conversations and self-reflection
A big reason that copreneurship can be intimidating is the depth of honesty it demands. Hot and sensitive topics, like confidently selling, how to handle and invest money, overall risk appetite, time spent on certain tasks, and general personal habits, come up constantly, and they surface things about yourself you might otherwise avoid.
I plan and like to be ahead of schedule. My husband works in hyper-focused bursts. We accept each other’s style and give each other space. Our differences used to frustrate me, but over time, I realized that expecting us to operate the same way was the problem.
Copreneurship forces a level of self-awareness that many couples never reach, but if you’re open to it, open conversations can deepen your relationship and bring a closeness that couples who don’t work together don’t get to experience.
5. One person needs to be up while the other is down
You don’t both have to be strong at the same time.
This is subtle but important. Lower revenue periods, team or tech challenges, whenever something doesn’t go to plan, or when a setback hits … it’s hard.
What can really help is one person holding steady when the other is feeling low. When one of us is worried or disappointed, the other tends to step into the role of the calm encourager, with a “we’ll figure it out” attitude. That balance has carried us through many challenging moments.
6. Don’t forget to maximize the perks
My husband and I love unrushed weekday lunch dates at our favorite restaurants, impromptu meetings on the terrace to talk through ideas, and having the flexibility to travel for long periods when we want to.
We love that we can exercise whenever, that he can sneak in a round of golf, or that we can have a cheeky, spontaneous happy hour when the mood strikes. And why not enjoy some intimacy at 2 p.m. on a Monday? Coming from corporate backgrounds, we don’t take these kinds of freedoms for granted, ever.
Working with your spouse will test your emotions, communication styles, patience, and, perhaps, your sanity, but if you do it with intention, your partnership can become the greatest advantage your business has. No one cares about your impact, money, and long-term success like you both do.
