- I gave birth to my fourth child weeks after turning 40.
- My older three kids were independent enough, and life was fun again.
- People really judged my decision, but it was the best choice for me.
Two weeks after I celebrated turning 40, I gave birth to our fourth child and braced myself for the impending change.
I had spent 39 questioning my sanity around our choice to have “just one more.” Life had finally settled down. Our three kids were 11, 8, and 5 at the time. I was in a magical place where kids put themselves to bed with very little assistance, vacations began to feel like actual vacations, eating out was fun again, and there was even a bit of spontaneity once more.
Not only that, but I had made significant progress in my professional life. I had a book deal for a historical fiction novel in the works, steady clients for my digital marketing work, and the ability to be more involved at school, volunteering and serving on various committees—even founding and coaching an elementary chess club.
Then I got pregnant again, on purpose.
People said I was crazy
During pregnancy, the most common reaction was, “You’re crazy for doing this!” I came across very few people who understood why we would seemingly shoot ourselves in the proverbial foot by resetting our lives back to the newborn days.
In fact, I often heard, “I could never…” followed by a list of all the things you think of when you think of a baby: sleepless nights, nap routines, sleep training, feeding, and all the other inconvenient, challenging, and less-than-fun aspects of that first year.
I was worried about all of those things and more. One issue was that our house was not exactly large enough to accommodate another person. Then, of course, there were all the concerns about finances and how we would squeeze even more out of our very tight budget.
Despite all of that, I learned that having just one more baby at 40 was the best thing that could have happened.
Something I came to realize is that the people I encountered who thought we were crazy were judging our lives through their own eyes. Having another baby for them later in life was out of the question for various reasons that were uniquely personal, and they were filtering our choice through their lens.
My experience changed how I approached things
I didn’t know this before having our fourth baby, but my priorities were challenged in new and surprising ways.
I had to slow down to accommodate the baby and let go of some expectations (like getting the laundry done). This isn’t a bad thing because you get the opportunity to rework your routines in a way that may be better balanced for you.
For me, this meant holding my baby for every nap. It’s an indulgence I didn’t allow myself previously. I wanted to change that this time, so I did.
I also had to trust my past experience. I had done it before and I could do it again. I knew life with a newborn was not going to be a walk in the park.
I also had to ask myself what I wanted the future of our family to look like if all other barriers — like housing concerns, transport, finances, etc. — were out of the picture. For us, it was a vision of a very full family, with lots of love and lots of people. We looked 10, 15, or even 20 years down the road and knew one more baby was the finishing piece for the puzzle of our family.
I have no regrets.
