This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Viaano Spruyt, 29, founder of Huddle, an AI-powered social network for fandoms. He is based in Singapore. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I first became a caregiver when I was a teenager.
My dad had an incurable respiratory disease, and he was on an oxygen tank every day. He would get breathless after walking for just a few minutes and needed help with day-to-day living.
Back then, my mom was the sole breadwinner for the family, and my sister was too young to grasp what was going on.
Provided by Viaano Spruyt.
As the oldest child and only son, I took responsibility for his daily care. I fed him his meals and brought him to appointments at hospitals around Singapore.
He passed away when I was 19. Several years later, when I was 22, I moved to the Gold Coast in Australia on a scholarship. I earned my bachelor’s in psychology, the first step toward my ambition to become a clinical psychologist.
Over the next three years, I built a real life in Australia.
I had assimilated into the culture, was in a serious relationship, and was set to pursue a master’s degree. I was also in the process of applying for permanent residency.
Provided by Viaano Spruyt.
My family was always in the back of my mind. Still, I wanted to experience life outside Singapore, and I was in the midst of building the future I thought I would have.
The call that changed everything
Then one day, I was reminded what it meant to be so far from home.
My mom was walking to catch a bus to work when her knees suddenly gave way. She kept calling me for help, but I’d missed her calls.
Unable to walk, she ended up sitting alone, crying for hours. A kind stranger eventually called for help, and she was taken to a local hospital. She was wheelchair-bound for the next few weeks. Later, she told me she wished I’d been there.
My mom is now 61 and has advanced osteoarthritis in both knees, with severe cartilage loss, meniscus damage, and joint degeneration.
Provided by Viaano Spruyt.
When I asked why she had called me rather than my younger sister, my mom said she didn’t want to distract my sister from her final exams and internship. Still, I was the first person she thought to call for help, even from thousands of miles away.
That was the exact moment I knew I had to come home.
Seeing what happened to my mom brought me back to when my dad was ill. I didn’t want to be on the other side of the world when my mom was dealing with a health issue.
It wasn’t just my mom. My grandparents, now in their 80s, were also getting older, and I realized my family needed me.
I came home and started over
After my mom’s incident, I gave up the plans I’d made in Australia and moved back to Singapore in 2022. That was probably the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.
My Australian girlfriend moved to Singapore for a few months to see if we could build a life here instead. But things didn’t work out, and we eventually ended the relationship.
Provided by Viaano Spruyt.
Since coming back, I haven’t had much of a social life.
I ended up starting Huddle, an AI-powered social network for fandoms, with my cofounder, Fabian. Starting a company was not the path I had spent my life working toward, but it became another passion.
At this stage, my life is very much centered on work and my family, with whom I live. I choose to have no other commitments outside those two things, which gives me some room to respond when my family needs support.
I make sure my mom gets the care she needs. I take her to the hospital and arrange her treatments. I do the same for my grandparents.
When I returned, my younger sister had just started university. I wanted her to focus on her studies, so I took on more of the day-to-day care for our family.
Once my mom is doing better, I hope to move to the US to grow my company with my cofounder, while my sister and I share responsibility for supporting her.
Coming back meant starting over in a lot of ways. However, I would make that decision again and again for my mom. Always.
