Every Shake at Shake Shack, Ranked

A strawberry shake cost $6.49 at my nearest Shake Shack in New York. It’s made with vanilla custard and “real strawberry,” according to the website.

There are 690 calories in a 16-ounce cup, Shake Shack’s standard shake size.

This could just be personal bias, as I would never order a strawberry shake under any circumstances, but when I took the lid off and sniffed the shake, I felt like I was sniffing a strawberry-scented candle.

After tasting a sip, I was able to appreciate that this was one of the thickest shakes I tried. But it was just too sweet for me — I could only take a couple sips before feeling like I was rapidly developing a cavity.

The Campfire S’mores shake is made with vanilla frozen custard, graham crackers, “chocolate and toasted marshmallow fudge chunks,” and finished off with whipped cream and s’mores crumbles, per Shake Shack’s website description.

It costs $6.99 and has 1,090 calories.

There sure is a lot in there, but to me, this just tasted like a vanilla shake with some graham cracker bits mixed in, which was pretty unpleasant, texturally speaking.

I couldn’t taste chocolate or marshmallows, two of the three key s’mores ingredients.

In my opinion, it’s not worth the extra 50 cents or the extra calories.

Nobody is immune to Dubai chocolate, not even Shake Shack.

Shake Shack’s version of the viral snack — a chocolate bar filled with green pistachio cream and shredded phyllo pastry — is a shake that costs $9.99 and has 1,080 calories.

It’s made with pistachio custard mixed with “toasted kataifi shredded phyllo” and is topped with mashed-up pistachios and kataifi.

It’s encased in a crackable shell made of dark chocolate inside the cup, so it makes sense that Shake Shack recommends it’s best enjoyed cold.

To me, this didn’t taste like chocolate at all, since the chocolate was completely frozen and didn’t mix with the pistachio custard.

The pistachio custard itself was delicious, but the phyllo mixed in felt strange to drink — almost as if paper had been added to my shake.

Since this is a more expensive shake, I can’t rank it any higher. But Shake Shack should definitely add a pistachio flavor to its lineup — I would drink it plain.

Shake Shack didn’t respond to a request for comment from Business Insider regarding its Dubai chocolate recipe or pricing.

This is exactly what it sounds like: vanilla and chocolate custard mixed together. It has 770 calories and costs $6.49.

Maybe it’s because the chocolate was so overpowering compared to the vanilla, which can be more subtle, but this just tasted like a watered-down chocolate shake to me.

This is just frozen chocolate custard. It’s $6.49 and 750 calories.

As a chocolate ice cream lover, I thought this was sure to place high. Instead, this chocolate shake was somewhat middling for me. I thought it had an artificial aftertaste, and I couldn’t take more than a couple of sips, something that never happens to me with chocolate ice cream.

But some chocolate is better than no chocolate, hence its high ranking.

The Banana Pudding shake uses banana custard made with “real banana,” per Shake Shack, and is mixed with vanilla wafer cookies. It’s also topped with “vanilla wafer cookie crumble.”

It’s priced at $6.99 and has 1,010 calories.

Ever since “Sex and the City” put Magnolia Bakery and its banana pudding on the map, I’ve always associated banana pudding with New York, and I’m a fan.

Banana-flavored anything can be divisive — remember how mad some people would get on Halloween if they got banana Laffy Taffy? — but I thought this was great.

It tasted like real bananas, the cookie crumble on top was good, and the cookies mixed in just added flavor, not a crumb-like texture in the shake.

But if you hate banana-flavored things, stay away.

The Shake Shack site writes that its vanilla shakes are made with “real vanilla” in the vanilla custard. One shake contains 680 calories and costs $6.49.

This was easily the creamiest, thickest shake I tried. Can you go wrong with a vanilla shake? It’s sweet, doesn’t have a strong aftertaste, and was the only one that actually felt like I was quenching any type of thirst.

However, it’s kind of bland, as many vanilla things are. So I can’t put it any higher.

The Oreo Cookie Funnel Cake shake is made with vanilla custard and “Oreo Cookies and funnel cake crunch” spun into the custard. It’s topped with whipped cream and Oreo crumbles.

It has 1,140 calories — the most of all the shakes I tried — and costs $6.99.

I was curious how this was going to taste any different from the regular cookies-and-cream shake, but the two couldn’t have been more different.

Somehow, this just tasted exactly like a funnel cake you’d get at a carnival. It even had the sugary aftertaste, which I personally love. It brought me back to summer nights that I spent at my local town fair, licking powdered sugar off my fingers.

If I had to knock it, though, I didn’t really taste Oreo in the shake itself, though the crumbles on top somewhat made up for it.

This is vanilla custard mixed with chocolate fudge sauce.

It has 770 calories and costs $6.49.

Full disclosure: Before doing this ranking, I thought that a black-and-white shake was just chocolate and vanilla mixed together. But no! It’s a vanilla shake mixed with chocolate sauce. I much preferred this.

It had more of a taste than a plain vanilla shake, but it didn’t have the watered-down quality of the vanilla-and-chocolate shake, which was overwhelmed by chocolate. This tasted like a hot fudge sundae.

I highly recommend.

The cookies-and-cream shake ($6.49 and 850 calories) is made with vanilla custard and spun with “chocolate cookie crumbles.”

In almost any scenario, I am ordering a cookies-and-cream shake. It’s been my go-to for years … but that just means that the Shake Shack shake had to live up to my high standards. And it did.

This tasted like drinking a mashed-up Oreo, which is all I ever want from a cookies-and-cream shake. It was creamy, not too sweet, and the texture of the cookie crumbles wasn’t off-putting in any way. It had just the right amount of crumbs.

I’d be fine with getting any of the top seven shakes, but cookies and cream will forever be my No. 1 choice.