- My mom lived five hours away from me when I had my kids.
- While she visited when she could, our conversations over the phone helped me.
- I’ve been a mom for a decade, and I still call her as soon as I drop off my kids.
When I became a new mom, I didn’t have daily help with childcare or plan weekly get-togethers with my mom or in-laws. Instead, I had my mother’s voice on the phone.
My mom lived five hours away near Syracuse, New York. Although she visited me in Manhattan when my son was born and after my daughter’s birth a couple of years later, our conversations on the phone have carried me through motherhood.
I knew I could ask her all the questions
As I eased into motherhood, it didn’t bother me that my mom wasn’t with me nonstop as I was learning how to breastfeed, change a million diapers, and burp my baby. Everything was new, stressful, and exciting at the same time. I knew if I had a question about caring for my little one, I could call and count on her without any criticism or judgment. She was always my safe place.
I would call her to share parenting moments, big and small.
I remember once I called laughing about how my son’s bottle rolled across the sidewalk into the gutter. I told her about the mommy and me music classes I discovered and story time at the library on Fifth Avenue. While I strolled to these activities, we talked about the baby carrier she used to carry me in. We talked about storing milk and all the savvy equipment that existed now that didn’t when I was a child in the 80s. She sent me packages in the mail, blankets, hats, and mittens she crocheted for my son, and I’d send her photos in a text message showing off her grandson wearing his cozy new gear.
Soon, I was pushing a double stroller, bringing my toddler son and newborn daughter to the Central Park Zoo, and snapping photos for Grandma. With our calls, photos, video chats, and gifts in the mail, it was like my mom never missed a beat.
Our conversations gave me courage
Our conversations helped me have the courage to stay active with my kids and gain patience when they were cranky or teething or I was exhausted and needed to vent a little. She always said to think positively and told me I was doing a great job. I appreciate that my mom listened. I was thankful for her cheerfulness, tips and encouragement based on my ups and downs of new motherhood.
I called her teary-eyed when my son was wailing when I dropped him off at preschool. I called when my kids had a diaper blowout in public or a meltdown before naptime. I called during so many enjoyable moments, too, like when the tulips were blooming, and my kids and I had a picnic in the grass at the park. Her ear and words of care were all I needed.
While other new moms had their mothers join them at the playground or school events, sometimes I wished that we lived closer, but I knew I was OK because my mom was just a call away.
Despite the distance, she’s been there during important times in our lives
I’ll never forget the night I called her and told her my marriage was ending, and I needed help and some extra money for furniture for a new place to live and a lawyer. She was there on the phone with me, figuring out my next steps. Through the darkness, her voice was reassuring and uplifting and helped me feel brave while starting my life over. I remember the first year I lived alone with my kids, our couch, the table and chairs, their bunk beds were a constant reminder of my mom’s love.
As time passes, I’ll give my kids a little more freedom while wishing for them to be this little forever, and my mom and I will reminisce.
Somehow, I feel like she has been there with us through everything special and meaningful, even though we don’t live near each other.
With a phone and some effort, I’ve learned it’s possible to give a parent the grandparent experience despite not living down the street from each other, in the same ZIP code, or even the same state. Also, I’ve learned that just because you don’t have family nearby doesn’t mean you can’t truly enjoy your own parenting journey.
I’ve been a mom for over a decade, and when my kids are at school, I still call, and nostalgia comes quickly. We talk about how big my kids are now and how soon this phase of parenting will become the next. I tell her how much I want time to slow down. I can hear her smiling when she reminds me that the time I invest in my kids now will keep us close later. I know she is right because we have always been close, no matter the distance.
