I have been a mother for 20 years and have had the privilege of raising four humans. The greatest gift that I’ve given myself during these busy decades is time.
Since my children were young, I’ve always made sure to set aside one hour after everyone goes to bed just for me. I realized in the early days of parenthood how easy it was to get sucked into the unending to-do list.
Motherhood pulled so much from me both mentally and physically that finding some time for myself became a priority.
I knew something had to change
I remember the exact night I knew that something had to change. After returning home from a full day of working as a project manager at an event management company, I cooked dinner, got the kids bathed, folded laundry, and prepared for the next day. The night was punctuated with raised voices and tears from the kids and from me. Mine were shed after I escaped to the bathroom for two minutes of alone time. As I locked the door, a small voice whined from the other side, “Mama, I need you.”
As I headed to bed, exhausted, I dreaded the next day, angry every evening because I had nothing left for myself or my family. I vowed to prioritize my needs. Doing so benefited my well-being and strengthened my relationship with my kids. I had bought into the idea that sacrificing my needs made me a good mother, but I discovered the opposite was true.
That cherished final hour came from frustration and necessity. It offered a daily reprieve to just be myself before life’s demands took over. I could read, watch something, or simply sit in silence. In the early years of parenthood, sick kids and teething interrupted my hour, so I had to protect and adjust it. I often stayed up too late or gave up other things, but it was worth it.
I’m committed to the last hour of my days
This hour has and continues to keep me sane as I navigate all the ups and downs of being a mother, wife, and special education teacher. It has become a constant that I rely on each day and my most important form of personal wellness. Even when I was working full-time, had all four kids at home, and went back for my MS in Education, I’ve maintained my commitment to keeping my hour every single night. It makes me a better mother, wife, and person. I guard and protect that last hour.
I know I’m not alone in making time for myself every day. I have many mom friends who do it. One friend uses the hour to catch up on life, another friend uses it to work out. Some are early risers, so their “magic” hour happens in the morning. They, too, have found it to be an essential part of motherhood.
I have to admit that as my kids have gotten older, it has gotten easier to have my hour. With a hectic schedule including practices every night of the week, though, my need for this time for myself has actually remained just as it did when I had young kids.
My kids are following my steps
I was surprised to find my dedication to my own well-being has rubbed off on the next generation of women in my family. My teenage daughters each have their own cherished final hour. They fill it with reading a favorite book or watching a cool new series they’re binge-watching. After they’ve done homework and prepared for the next day, they settle in and give themselves the gift of time and well-being. They protect and cherish it as I have.
My daughter, a freshman in high school, recently asked me if I could do something for her that she was perfectly capable of doing. Frustrated, I responded, “You can do it.”
“You get one hour each night,” she said. “I need one too.” She woke up at 6 am, put in a full day of school, attended cheer practice, and spent hours on homework. Her day had been as hectic as my own.”I guess you do,” I said, glad to see my daughter prioritizing her well-being. If she learned now, she wouldn’t have had to learn the lesson as late as I did.
In the hectic and frantic race we’ve all signed on for, having time carved out for ourselves, even if it’s just 60 minutes, is not only deserved, it’s necessary. It makes us better people and, in my case, a better parent.
