- I adopted my sons from Ethiopia in 2012 and immediately started saving for their college tuition.
- I wanted them to graduate with no student loans and have every opportunity for success.
- To save, we gave up traveling and other big expenses, but we don’t regret it.
When my husband and I adopted our sons from Ethiopia in 2012, we were already behind when it came to college expenses — especially when compared to friends who basically started saving as soon as they saw the second line on the pregnancy test.
Our sons were 7 and 8 years old when they joined our family. We lost years of creating family memories — first words, first day of kindergarten, first wiggly tooth — and years of adding to a 529 savings account.
After becoming the parents to Black boys in America, we learned the realities of our country’s income and wealth gaps.
According to data from 2023 census reports, the median income of white households exceeds that of Black households by more than $30,000.
The research on college degrees is murkier. The census data shows that just over 20% of Black people hold a college degree.
We want our sons to help change those stats and narratives, so my husband and I have saved rigorously and sacrificed for our son’s college tuition.
We’ve given up a lot to ensure our sons can go to college
While we’ve taken some epic family trips — to several national parks, to both coasts, to our sons’ homeland of Ethiopia — we’ve also taken many equally memorable low-budget vacations to family members’ cabins just a few hours from our house.
Our living room sectional — an uncomfortable monstrosity — should have been donated years ago, and nights dining out together look more like McDonald’s than Michelin stars. Instead of expensive hobbies requiring lots of equipment, we opt for running (we just need sneakers!).
Looking back, some financial choices carry a tinge of regret. Skipping travel sports teams saved money, and we didn’t push enrichment camps or invest in tutoring. However, it’s hard not to wonder if those missed opportunities could have opened doors to scholarships or other benefits. While we know we did our best with our resources, those lingering “what-ifs” are a pervasive part of parenting for me.
Still, we press on in the present, striving to balance providing for our sons’ futures with appreciating the life we have now.
We don’t regret these sacrifices
In many ways, our choices don’t feel like sacrifices. We live in a lovely home in an established city neighborhood we love. We own vehicles and have money in retirement accounts. Our parents’ generosity added more money to college savings accounts than we could’ve accumulated on our own. As much as possible, we try to recognize our privilege.
We hope that by receiving degrees without the predatory student loans we’ve heard horror stories about, our sons won’t feel forced to start on undesirable career paths.
If they want to pursue an advanced degree, buy a home, or travel, those enormous loans won’t deter life choices that bring them joy. Just as my husband and I owe our financial freedom as young adults to our parents’ decisions, our choices today can have a generational impact on our future grandchildren.
Our savings are finally coming into play today
Our sons have taken two different paths so far. One explored the trades in high school and started with classes at a community college while living at home. The other is a freshman at a large public university, trying out life in a dorm.
They both know we are doing everything we can to help them avoid college debt, but we try to share this without making them feel unduly burdened.
Of course, we want them to have a sense of responsibility, too. Through the years, they’ve built up their savings accounts thanks to part-time jobs and birthday and graduation gifts. That money will contribute to their college education and living expenses, motivating them to receive good grades, apply for scholarships, and keep working.
Today, as I work on the family budget, I think about the dollar amounts. But more than anything, I think about the opportunity to rewrite the narratives surrounding inequality we became aware of the moment we became parents to Black boys in America. If one day my sons use their education to create opportunities for themselves and others, these challenges will have been well worth it.
