Things You Should Never Do on a First Date, From Etiquette Experts

For many, a first date is a high-stakes experience that leaves a lasting impression and determines future dating potential. That’s why it’s important to put your best foot forward and avoid common faux pas.

To help make sure the meet-up is as successful as possible, Business Insider spoke with four etiquette experts about the mistakes you should never make on a first date. Here’s what they said.

Pushing for too much information at once

Bethany Skorik, an etiquette coach and founder of Ascent Etiquette and Communications, told Business Insider it’s important to remember that a first date isn’t an interview. This means you likely won’t learn everything about a person in one shot.

Instead, she said the initial date should be an easygoing interaction and shouldn’t pry too deeply into someone’s personal life.

“Focus on assessing the person’s energy, hobbies, and general outlook on life,” Skorik said. “Most people aren’t comfortable, or obligated, to share information about their family life, finances, ex-lovers, or personal back story with a stranger.”

Making a mess at dinner

First dates leave a lasting impression, and sloppy eating and poor presentation can harm your chances of a second date. That’s why Skorik told BI it’s important to be mindful of messy behaviors and meals.

“Wipe your mouth and hands often when eating finger foods or messy sauces, because no one wants to see your dirty mouth outline or fingerprints on the glassware,” Skorik said.

To avoid this problem altogether, consider choosing a dinner spot with a minimally messy menu.

Arriving late

Jo Hayes, an etiquette expert and founder of EtiquetteExpert.org, told BI that arriving late to a first date can be a major no-no.

“Punctuality demonstrates respect for the other person and their valuable time. Lateness demonstrates a lack of respect for the other person,” Hayes said.

Overpromising on future dates

It can be tempting to end a date by saying “we should do this again sometime” — even if you don’t mean it.

However, Richie Frieman, an etiquette expert known as the Modern Manners Guy, recommends choosing your words wisely when discussing future plans.

“This is a first date, so make sure your expectations are properly mirrored with the person across from you. If there is no hope, settle for a handshake and ‘It was so nice to meet you,'” he told BI.

Showing off financially

Everyone wants to make a good impression on a first date, but there’s a fine line between looking like you have it together and showing off. For example, Frieman told BI that being financially flashy is not a good look.

“If you can swing a pricier dish, then have at it, but don’t overdo your status, or your credit card limit, to look cool,” he said. “It’s one thing to want to impress your first date, but it’s another thing to show off your bank account by ordering the entire right side of the menu.”

Unloading your baggage and oversharing

Although you should always be honest on a first date, Nick Leighton — cohost of the etiquette-centric podcast “Were You Raised by Wolves?” — said vulnerability isn’t the same as oversharing.

Vulnerability can help open up meaningful conversation, while oversharing can make your date feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

“It’s not always ideal to unload a life’s worth of baggage over that initial drink. It’s good to share, just not overshare on a first date,” he told BI.

Being rude to the waitstaff

Whether you’re speaking with your date or a server, failing to use your best manners can significantly hurt your chances of securing another meet-up.

“It’s a huge red flag and suggests a lack of empathy and respect, which are key ingredients in any relationship,” Leighton told BI.