- One day, I found my 10-year-old daughter waiting alone for me to pick her up after school.
- That night, my husband and I decided to get her a phone — a flip phone.
- She doesn’t use it often, but knowing it’s there if she needs it has given us a lot of comfort.
Driving as fast as I could without going over the speed limit in a residential zone, I turned down the long driveway that led to my daughter’s middle school and immediately zeroed in on her small frame wandering around the parking lot, alone. Even though I was a considerable distance away, I knew it was her, the way every mother knows the gait of their child.
Dismissed a few minutes early from one of her assorted after school activities, somehow I was the only parent not there to pick up my child. My heart sank, knowing the anxiety she always carries with her that she will be forgotten. “I’m so sorry,” I said, when she opened the door to get in, but then, remembering the time, asked, “Where are your teachers?” She shrugged.
I hadn’t planned on getting her a phone at this age. In my head, I had been hoping to make it until she was 12, maybe 13, if I played my cards right.
But that is not the world we live in. Even though most of the kids in my daughter’s class do not have a phone (a few have smartwatches) it seems like we still treat everyone, even children, like they are connected at all times to the people they might need to reach. People, like, perhaps, their mother, who might just be down the road at the Subway in Walmart, standing in line behind the only person in the world that doesn’t realize rye bread is not, and never has been, no matter how many questions they ask, an option.
Later that evening, when my husband and I told our daughter we were getting her a phone, we specified it was a flip phone.
“Like papa’s?” she asked.
“Yes. Just like papa’s,” I nodded, referencing her grandfather’s basic phone.
For many reasons, it has been one of the best decisions we have made.
Flip phones are affordable
My favorite part of this whole endeavor is that it has only cost us about $60. So if my daughter does lose it, or break it, or run over it with a tractor, like her Papa has, we will not be out much. The phone itself was about $20 and we paid $40 for six months of service. For now, the phone mostly lives in her backpack, where it is usually turned off, conserving the battery.
Flip phones don’t carry the same dangers
For our family, the flip phone made the most sense because we just needed basic ways to text and communicate. I like that social media and other apps aren’t available on it. This also means no GPS, parental monitoring, or tracking. A flip phone also doesn’t carry the status and pull that a smartphone has, so there is virtually no chance of screen time overload, unless she wants to get really good at T9 predictive text.
This is a stepping stone to a smartphone
On the inevitable road to a smartphone, we have told our daughter that if she eventually wants one, she must handle the flip phone sensibly, remember to charge it, and not lose it.
We have only given her two specific rules. When she is at sleepovers, she must check with me and the other parents regarding how late she is allowed to use the phone. Also, any friend’s number she wants to add to her contact list has to be okayed by us.
For the few months we have had it, it has only brought good things. She texts me really crucial information, like “I am a slay baddie” and I text her back “What does that mean?” We have not had to use it for anything critical, but I’m good with that. In my dream life, we only ever use it to send texts that make each other laugh.
Having the phone has reduced anxiety for all of us
The only people in the world that I can’t connect with during the day are my children. No, I do not want my seven-year-old to text me while he is at recess, but there have been times I have wanted to text my daughter and tell her, “Yes, I checked, you don’t have a drama club meeting,” or “I might be a few minutes late, so just wait with Maddie.” And now, I can.
Now that she has a phone, though, lounging in her locker all day, it just makes her and I both feel better, knowing it is there. And I can always tell her, from wherever I am, “Just wait, it’ll be okay, I’ll be right there.”
