Single Mom’s Kid-Free Trip to Milan Helped Daughter Bond With Her Dad

I’ve been a single mom for just over five years. My daughter’s dad and I separated when she was six months old, and since then, I’ve dedicated my life completely to her. I haven’t dated, traveled, or done pretty much anything “for me.”

Despite having joint custody, our daughter refused to sleep over at her dad’s place, and they only saw each other once a week, during the day. While neither of us wanted to force sleepovers on her, I still thought it wasn’t good that she was so dependent solely on me.

She would occasionally spend the night at my mom’s, which was good because it gave me some free time just for myself. However, that time would often be constrained to chores, some body maintenance such as waxing, pedicures, hair and face masks, and occasional meetups with my girlfriends.

Before becoming a mom, I was an avid traveler, having visited over 20 countries across three continents. Traveling was one of the things I missed the most from my pre-parenting life.

Then one day, a friend suggested we take a three-day trip somewhere. At first, I dismissed it, as it would be too long for my mom to take care of my five-year-old daughter, but my mom said she wouldn’t mind if my ex could also help out.

And so, in spring, my friend and I started planning our summer trip to Milan and booked everything several months in advance.

Then something horrible happened.

Just two weeks before my trip, my mom fell off a bike and broke her ribs when she was vacationing with my sister. She wasn’t even able to travel back home. My whole world was crushed because I thought I had to give up on my long-awaited trip.

After some contemplation, I decided it was time to do something I hadn’t done in years — I prioritized myself and decided not to cancel the trip. After all, I wasn’t going to leave my daughter with a stranger, but with her own dad. I thought it was time for him to step up as a dad. I was firm in my decision not to let the circumstances ruin my plans.

I called him and explained what had happened to my mom and that I wasn’t canceling the trip. I said that she is his daughter, too, and if he plans to start taking her on solo vacations, she needs to get used to spending more time with him. After a few moments of silence, he said, “Okay.”

A feeling of joy overcame me. Weirdly enough, I also felt a sense of victory. For years, I was suppressing every desire or idea because it felt selfish to do something just for me that wouldn’t include my daughter.

We agreed to FaceTime every day and stick to her usual summer routines — bedtime no later than 10 p.m., one ice cream a day but no other candy, and iPad time capped at 20 minutes.

I was equally excited and scared. Explaining everything to my daughter also went smoothly. Possibly because she wasn’t fully aware of what it meant. After all, she had never spent more than one night without me.

Finally, the day arrived.

On the way to my ex’s place, I briefly went over everything with my daughter one more time. Her eyes got a bit teary as she quietly said, “I will miss you, Mommy.” I took a deep breath and said, “I will miss you too, but Mommy needs to charge her batteries so I can be a better mom to you.”

We said our goodbyes. Unsurprisingly, she FaceTimed me 15 minutes into the ride. She was in a good mood and just wanted to wish me safe travels one more time. We FaceTimed every day, and she was doing great.

I unplugged from my everyday mom role and allowed myself to fully enjoy the trip with my friend. We walked around Milan for five to six hours a day, treating ourselves to amazing food, gelato, sightseeing, and shopping. We also went out for a fancy late-night dinner and cocktails in Navigli, a neighborhood known for its restaurants and bars across the canal.

The flip

When we got back, I went straight to pick up my daughter. On the way home, I asked her how it went, and I got a surprising reply: “We had so much fun, and Daddy made disco for me every night before bedtime. But I still missed you a bit.”

When I asked if that meant she no longer had a problem sleeping at his place, she confirmed and asked when she could next go sleep there again.

A sense of relief came over me. It was a big milestone for both of them — and for me, too. I was selfishly happy because it meant that I could now have one full day and night of the week just for myself.

It’s been several months now, and she’s only said no a few times to spending the night at his place. He and I agree that that’s fine. Their bond is stronger, and I finally have time to breathe, to travel without relying solely on my mom, to rest, and just be me for a bit.

And that, I’ve realized, makes me a better mom too.

Do you have a story about being a single mom that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.