Our Son Moved Back in With Us After 10 Years As Empty Nesters

In August 2024, our son and his family lost their home in a devastating fire.

Time stood still while we watched the house burn, silently thanking God that our loved ones were safe. But from the next morning on, everything was fast-forward.

My son and daughter-in-law had virtually no time to process the shock. Disregarding their exhaustion, they addressed one thing after another on a never-ending to-do list.

First off, they drove to the city to buy clothes and essentials while trying to find the words to comfort their traumatized 4-year-old. Then began the grueling ordeal of handling the insurance claim and making plans to rebuild.

My husband and I decided to jump in and help how we could: we had them move in with us.

There were so many decisions to make in such a short time

Decisions had to be made pronto. My son was starting a new position at work in two weeks. My daughter-in-law was five months pregnant, and no suitable places for rent were available nearby.

Since our new home was spacious enough to accommodate them, it made sense to live here. We had a bathroom added to the basement, which completed a private living space for them consisting of three large furnished bedrooms and a living area.

Had they found a place to rent, they would have had to quickly buy new furniture and housewares without time to consider suitability for their eventual home. They already had enough stress with these major life changes and dealing with the insurance claim.

We are retired, so we have the time to support them in processing the tragedy and sharing the care of their 4-year-old as needed. Plus with a new baby due in January, we could make life much easier by providing a temporary home.

We had an open conversation and decided together that we could make it work temporarily

None of us were thrilled at the prospect of living together for a year. We all knew going in there would be good and harder days — such is life.

But when we reframed our mindset, knowing that the situation is temporary and family is more important than anything, it became doable. After all, this is the norm in some cultures and for some in dire health or financial situations. Sacrificing privacy and space is a small price to pay for having your family’s back.

We’ve been empty-nesters for over 10 years, so saying this has been an adjustment is a bit of an understatement. We are used to our home being quiet and tidy, free to come and go as we please. Our schedules are now intertwined. Adapting to our lifestyle means inevitable noise when someone is trying to sleep or work and meals at times when not everyone is hungry. Individual preferences when it comes to house temperature and meal options are sometimes an issue.

My son often teaches from home, so we have to be extra quiet, which is a feat on days when I babysit my other toddler grandsons. Helping with the kids as needed without overstepping is sometimes challenging, but the flip side of that brings the reward of unlimited cuddles from our grandsons and being included in countless precious family moments.

We use humor

Aside from some financial compensation from the insurance company for accommodations, we have no expectations, even when it comes to sharing domestic tasks. We graciously accept help when offered, but we make no demands.

We are often able to overlook petty annoyances by deflecting with humor. We have decided that it is not worth jeopardizing relationships just to have things done our way. And so we live as harmoniously as we can, knowing there will come a day when the house will be too quiet. Fortunately, their new home won’t be too far away.

We have now made it through winter, the longest, hardest part. The promise of spring means that the new house construction is just around the corner. We will be freer to spend more time outdoors uplifting all of our spirits. We are in the last stretch.