My Dad Died Before He Could Retire — It Changed How I Parent

By the time I was in my early 20s, life had already shown me that it doesn’t always wait for later.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer and died at 51. Not long after that, my uncle died unexpectedly at 57. Both men had worked hard their entire lives for the promise of a fulfilling retirement that never came.

Those early losses shaped me profoundly. They created a sense of urgency in how I approached life, love, and ultimately, parenting. When I got married, I told my husband one thing clearly: We are not waiting for retirement to live.

We made a conscious decision to build a life filled with adventure and presence while raising our children. We wanted our kids to experience the richness of life in the now, not in some distant “someday” that may never come.

We turned travel sports into family adventures

When our son joined a travel hockey team, we could have treated the out-of-town games as hassles. Instead, we saw them as opportunities.

His tournaments took us to places like Erie, Pennsylvania; Blaine, Minnesota; and Lake Placid, New York. None of them were on our bucket list, but all became meaningful through the shared experience of discovering something new together.

We explored local diners, quirky museums, vintage ice rinks, and small-town treasures. Each trip became a story. And somewhere between roadside doughnut shops and freezing-cold bleachers, we realized we weren’t just watching games, we were building core memories.

We bought a second home with a deeper purpose

My husband and I are both proud Virginia Tech alums. We bought a second home in Blacksburg, Virginia, not just for nostalgia, but to create a family tradition around football weekends, tailgates, and a small community. Our kids grew up in that town on fall Saturdays, surrounded by friends, hearing “Enter Sandman” echo through the stadium, and feeling a deep sense of place and belonging.

It wasn’t really about the football. It was about finding joy in togetherness and giving our kids something to look forward to that felt rooted and magical. Years later, both chose to attend Virginia Tech themselves. It was a full-circle moment because they also felt the pull of a place we had all loved together.

We are creating traditions that bond across generations

When my daughter turned 8, I started taking her on mother-daughter holiday trips to New York City every December. It was our time, just the two of us, to walk the city streets, see the Rockettes, and shop the holiday markets. We only missed one year: 2020. Last year, we took it up a notch and went to Paris. This year, we’re picking a new European destination, and this might become our new tradition.

At the same time, my husband and son started their own tradition: traveling to see Washington Capitals away games. It became their shared thing, blending their love for hockey with the thrill of discovering new cities together.

What started as simple ideas turned into annual rituals, ones we all now cherish. These trips weren’t extravagant, but they were intentional. They gave us space to connect, reflect, and experience life with our children.

I’m choosing presence over postponement

The decision to prioritize living over waiting not only made our parenting journey more fulfilling but also changed how our kids view the world. Now in their 20s, both our son and daughter carry that same mindset. They’re both enjoying shared experiences with their friends and significant others now, not waiting for someday to live their lives.

They understand that a rich life isn’t something you stumble upon at 65 with a retirement party and a gold watch. It’s something you build on by saying yes to spontaneity, valuing experiences over things, showing up, and being fully present.

We live now

We’re often told to hustle when we’re young so we can enjoy life later. I’ve seen how unrealistic that can be. “Later” is not guaranteed. And while financial responsibility matters, joy, connection, and shared experiences are currencies too, ones that appreciate the more you invest in them.

Our family has built a life rooted in intention, not delay. We didn’t wait to live, and we won’t start now. That mindset has carried us through life’s uncertainties, anchored us in love, and shaped a family legacy of presence.

Looking back, I’m so grateful we didn’t postpone living. Those adventures became our real milestones and the special memories we remember most.