This is my son’s sophomore year at a university more than 1,000 miles from our home. While it was initially a tough transition to send our only child away, the empty nest pangs are not nearly as bad now. I only misted up a tad during drop-off this August, instead choosing to focus on how happy he is — and on all of his academic and personal growth.
Maybe that’s why I didn’t mind much when my son told me he didn’t want to come home for Thanksgiving last year — and when he told me he wanted to skip the holiday again this year.
His decision actually makes perfect sense and gave our family an opportunity to try something new.
Growing up, my son enjoyed traditional family Thanksgivings
When he was younger, our Thanksgivings looked exactly as one might expect. Our extended family held massive dinners to mark the holiday, with turkey, ham, and every imaginable trimming.
It was a time he got to connect with his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. We never missed one of those special celebrations. From extended post-dinner board games to turkey trot jogs and touch football games when the weather permitted, we had a lot of fun.
I know our son made special and strong memories during those yearly feasts and play sessions centered on giving thanks.
As a freshman, he had to make adjustments to Thanksgiving
During his freshman year, my son balanced his newfound independence with a larger, more difficult class load than he’d ever had in high school. With finals right around the corner, he was feeling the stress and knew he needed to buckle down. I understood that school is now his priority.
He was the one to first float the idea of staying on campus for the Thanksgiving break, instead of packing up and coming home for such a short amount of time.
Instead of being upset, my husband and I appreciated his rationale. Everything else that year had been turned upside-down because of his college departure. Why not shake up Thanksgiving, too?
Courtesy of Erika Ebsworth-Goold
His dad and I immediately bought our plane tickets, booked a hotel room near our son’s campus, and prepared to hit the road for the holiday. We would still be together for Thanksgiving, but it would just be our little family of three.
When we explained to our son’s grandparents, aunts, and uncles that we wouldn’t be attending the big family bash, they were a little disappointed at first. Ultimately, they understood and respected our decision. After all, they’d see him just a few weeks later. We assured them the winter break was non-negotiable: He would absolutely be home for Christmas.
We had Thanksgiving in California for the first time last year
We packed our bags and traded the Midwestern chill for SoCal’s palm trees and balmy weather.
We spent as much time with our son as we could during the long weekend, and had a lovely time on campus, the nearby beach, and exploring the area’s hotspots. It was a perfect gathering, just right for the three of us.
Truth be told, the relative peace of our alternative celebration was a striking contrast to the hustle and bustle, and yes, the pressure of Thanksgivings past. It was also a sunshine-filled breather before the craziness of December back home.
We’re all in on our non-traditional Thanksgiving for the second year
My husband and I head out to the West Coast on Thursday morning. We’ll land, check in, pick up our kid, and might hit In-N-Out for a no-frills, no-fuss dinner that evening.
As for the rest of the weekend? We’ll just go with the flow and see where it takes us. It doesn’t have to look a certain way. It doesn’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to be anywhere at any definite time. There’s something quite freeing about all of that.
Would this arrangement work for everyone? Probably not. For some, skipping town for Thanksgiving might cause deep hurt or resentment, as I know full well, family dynamics are quite different for each individual. Fortunately, this option has turned out to be better than we imagined, and I’m more than OK with it. I’m grateful for it.
