- My son is in his first year of college, and he’s loving it.
- He recently told me he has no plans to live at home ever again.
- I was devastated at first, but I’m glad he found his place and his people.
Anyone who’s parented a child to adulthood knows letting them fly off into the world is equal parts rough and rewarding. There can be an initial sense of mourning or even profound loss when they set out on their own — one that experts say is a normal part of the empty nest transition.
But in my case, there’s another twist.
My only child shipped off to college last fall. He left his Midwestern home, friends, and family behind for southern California and hasn’t looked back. Recently, over winter break, he dropped a bit of news I’d prepared for but still can’t fully process: He doesn’t ever want to live at home again.
However, what might seem on the surface like an enormous ouch is actually quite outstanding. Let me explain why.
He’s found his place and people
Early on, my kid focused on a specific passion and career path. He’s always been a storyteller, and he especially loved movies. An intensive cinema studies class in high school melded his two loves. He was hooked. He worked hard, did well academically, and got into a terrific film program halfway across the country.
There’s not been a whiff of homesickness from him during his first semester. It’s the exact opposite: he’s enthusiastic and ready to learn. He’s become good friends with like-minded peers who share his appreciation for the screen. In short, my child is in his happy place.
That’s why I didn’t freak out during the holiday break when he told me — in no uncertain terms — there’s not much for him to come home to anymore.
While his revelation was a bit jarring, I wasn’t terribly shocked or upset. That’s because my son is spot-on.
We both know full well he’s where he needs to be right now. He’s established himself on his college campus and doesn’t care to be anywhere else at this point, including his hometown. After all, it’s not as if the Midwest is an epicenter for the film industry.
The world is his oyster right now. It includes a strong social life and robust career opportunities in a new, exciting city. Why would I want to guilt him about enjoying his circumstances, even if they’re more than a thousand miles away? Why would his dad and I insist he come home?
We won’t. Even if it ultimately means we spend less time with him.
He’s becoming independent, and that’s all I ever wanted
When our son returned for the holidays, I was struck by how he’d changed, and I don’t mean the freshman 15. He carried himself differently, more confidently.
It was clear he’d already passed the freshman-year independence challenge with flying colors. He left the familiarity of home, ventured off solo, and blazed his own path. The young man who came home to us was a far different version of the one we dropped off in August.
Instead of being sad, I was so proud and thrilled. We did what every parent wants: to raise children into successful and happy adults.
He can always come home
My son knows he can always come home and will always have a place under our roof. That said, there are chances I’ll be the mom without a kid home for the summer should he find a job or internship in SoCal after the spring semester. And that’s OK.
This is his time to stretch, grow, and make his own choices, including where he spends his time and hangs his hat. I know this doesn’t mean he’s rejecting me or his dad. Rather, he’s becoming the young adult we hoped he would, making his own way in the world.
Watching our children build their own lives without us is our bittersweet reward as parents. It’s what we signed up for, after all.
So, instead of being sad, we’ll focus on spending the best quality time we can with him. That will probably include many more trips to the Pacific Time Zone.
Sand, sunshine, and son visits? Sounds good to me.
