My grandma and I spent most of our lives apart, yet she taught me a deeper way to live.
I grew up in California, while my Grandma Jackie lived in Minnesota. We saw each other only on special occasions — summer visits, my high-school graduation, and a few holidays.
Because of the distance, I got to know her through stories from my parents. Most of what I knew about my grandma came from tales of her days fishing, playing slots, and trying her luck at Pokeno.
These stories, mixed in with my own memories of her wide smile and the taste of her one-of-a-kind sweet-potato pie, cemented my connection to her. Yet when she passed away at 99, I felt guilty for not being closer to her.
During my grieving, I reflected on our relationship that flourished despite the time and miles between us. Through our scattered time together, Grandma Jackie gave me three lessons that shape how I live today.
Love doesn’t need many words
Kiersten Brown
My grandma wasn’t much of a talker — oftentimes, she could communicate more with a smile than with words.
Whenever I visited her, her brown eyes would light up, and in her raspy voice, she would say, “Well, hi sweetie, how ya doing?”
After a few minutes of pleasantries, the conversation would end. Then we would sit together and watch “Wheel of Fortune.” Occasionally, I’d glance at her, and she’d shoot me a smile.
The same pattern played out during her yearly birthday calls, which lasted three minutes, at best. She would sing “Happy Birthday,” ask how I was doing, and end with, “Well, I’ll holla at you later.”
Interactions felt more like small talk with a coworker than chats with a loved one, and these brief interactions made me question our connection. Short conversations made me feel like we weren’t close because we didn’t have much say.
Yet one day after my grandma’s passing I was talking with my aunt who revealed that love is measured in time spend together.
My aunt mentioned that Grandma Jackie often asked about me and prayed for me nightly. Although we didn’t speak often and saw each other less, she was always thinking of me.
This insight made me realize that silence was more of a way of being than a reflection of our relationship. I realize now that not having much to say was a choice rooted in acceptance and love — she was content with simply having me around.
Because of her, I now focus more on appreciating someone’s presence rather than filling space with chatter.
It’s never too late to change how you live and chase life — no matter the circumstances
My grandma had an unwavering will to live and really took charge of her health at the age of 80 when the doctor’s told her that her she might not have much time left.
She quit smoking, cold turkey. She enrolled in exercise programs, walked daily laps around the house, took supplements, and focused on eating more fruits and vegetables.
More than fearing death, I believe my grandma enjoyed life too much not to fight for it. She had always been someone who loved spending time with her friends, enjoyed traveling within her own state, and considered everyone she met a friend.
When I visited my family a year ago, my grandma attended nearly every event. If she saw someone getting ready to leave, she’d ask, “Where we going?” and expected us to bring her with us. It didn’t matter whether we went to the park or out to eat; she made sure to tag along.
Every day I’m reminded that circumstances don’t have to dictate how I live, and her strength has inspired me to live life to the fullest.
Never stop doing what you enjoy
Kiersten Brown
As a music lover, she danced whenever her favorite songs came on. When she became less mobile, she would still rock her hips and sway in her chair.
She loved visiting casinos, never focusing on hitting big wins, but rather finding pleasure in simply playing. During her last few years of life, she attended virtual and in-person family bingo every Friday night. When she craved cake and ice cream, she would have some — in moderation, of course.
As time goes on and I grow older, I’m committed to following my grandma’s example. I will be dancing, hiking, and hanging out with friends for as long as I’m alive.
I’d say my grandma reached 99 for two reasons: good genes and complete dedication to living her life the best way she could. Because of her, I live with more purpose and intention.
