In Thailand, I Feel Less Pressure to Be a Perfect Mom

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sandy Cacchione, a 41-year-old Swiss woman raising her daughter in Koh Samui, Thailand. She is also the founder of mate.travel, a destination-focused travel and events platform. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I met my now-husband in 2009 on a popular diving island in Thailand.

I was on vacation from my hometown of Basel, Switzerland, while he had stopped on the island to complete his divemaster training during a yearlong trip around the world.

After dating long-distance for a year and a half, we decided to move to Koh Tao to work at the diving center where we had first met. It’s an island in the Gulf of Thailand, just a ferry ride from Koh Samui.

He became a diving instructor, while I started off as an underwater videographer and eventually became an instructor myself.

We got married five years later, and although we loved the time we’d spent on that island, we were ready to settle down and start a family.

Koh Samui, over 10 times bigger, offered the environment we were looking for, so we moved there instead.

It’s a perfect mix of the laid-back island lifestyle we love and all the amenities we need. There is a cinema, a shopping mall, an international airport, and hospitals and schools.

When I was pregnant, my mother moved to Samui to be close to her first grandchild. I gave birth to my daughter in 2020, who is now five years old and enrolled in an international kindergarten on the island.

I have a flexible daily routine

I normally drop my daughter off by 9 a.m. and pick her up between 3:30 and 4 p.m.

It’s on the later side, since the earliest she can do is 8:30 a.m., but I don’t like to rush in the mornings, and neither does she.

It’s a Montessori-inspired school that follows the English curriculum.

In Switzerland, the school day usually starts around 8 a.m., so kids need to get up much earlier. In the afternoon, students typically return home for lunch. Moreover, different grades have different schedules.

When I was visiting a friend in Switzerland, her two kids didn’t have the same lunchtime. Coordinating is impossible; your whole day revolves around your kids.

Many kids back in Switzerland also participate in lots of activities. As a mother, I probably would’ve felt pressured to enroll my daughter in something.

While there are extracurricular activities for kids in Samui, there is no pressure to sign them up. Nobody will say, “Oh, your kid’s not doing ballet?” Everyone’s friendly and supportive.

There’s less pressure to be an ‘Instagram mom’

Social media here is more about traveling and breaking free from a conventional lifestyle. There is nothing about “I’m a perfect mom, this is what I did today.”

Even in my daughter’s school, the kids get exposed to so many different cultures and learn to be more accepting of others from a young age.

People living in Samui tend to be more open-minded. Most of the people I’ve met have already lived in other countries before; this is rarely their first stop.

Family activities after school are limited

When my daughter sees videos of other children playing at a park on YouTube or from friends back in Europe, and she says, “Mommy, can we go to the park?” I say, “Well, there’s no park.”

There are indoor play spaces but hardly any well-maintained outdoor playgrounds or parks like the ones I’ve seen back in Switzerland.

I’ve found that if you don’t want to do an activity, it’s difficult to just go somewhere and meet other families. You need to know where to go or arrange to meet someone somewhere.

For teenagers, it’s much harder to find things to do. Some hang out at the shopping mall, but getting around the island can be difficult.

Walking here isn’t easy — it’s hot, there aren’t many sidewalks, and there’s no public transportation like buses or subways. The roads can be dangerous, so I’d never want my child riding a motorbike here.

My daughter can enjoy being a child

They’re really kid-friendly here. There’s so much space almost everywhere, and she can run around. Even in restaurants, you never feel shushed.

We live up in the mountains, about 10 minutes from the main road. There is no road noise, and we have a nice view of the valley and a little bit of the ocean.

It’s very quiet and slow, even in the mornings. If I’m 10 minutes late dropping my daughter off, it’s not a problem. Even as a mother, I’m not stressed.

Do you have a story to share about raising a child after relocating to a new country? Contact this reporter at agoh@businessinsider.com.