I’m a Mom of 3 and Was Overwhelmed With How Much Stuff We Have

For what feels like the millionth time, I stumbled over my 4-year-old’s light-up snowflake wand, an impulse buy from last year’s “Disney on Ice” show.

I hate this wand. It’s big, bulky, and it’s always on the floor. Plus, I can’t figure out how to open the back panel to replace the batteries. So, not only does it block my path, but whenever one of my kids pushes the button, I have to explain to a disappointed little face why it won’t light up.

So I made the decision: the snowflake wand was that day’s decluttering prey.

Every day, I choose one thing to donate or discard. Sometimes, it’s an unfavorite toy, other days, it’s a novel I’ve already read or a shirt of my husband’s I don’t like. I call this my “one-a-day dejunk,” and it’s my secret to keeping my home somewhat manageable.

Our house was overflowing with kids’ stuff

It all began about a year ago. I was pregnant with my third and had just moved all the bins marked “newborn” in from the garage. Already, our living room, which also serves as a playroom and drop zone, had been overflowing with toys, books, shoes, and knickknacks. Now, with all the additional baby stuff, the place resembled a storage unit. I knew it was time to pare down.

But ever since becoming a mom, decluttering has been difficult.

For one thing, there’s the issue of time. With young kids, finding an hour to sit down and sort through a drawer is practically impossible. When I last tried to declutter my closet, my daughters turned the cleaning session into a princess costume playdate, using my dresses to put on a fashion show. It was very cute — though unproductive.

It’s also difficult because, since I started having kids, I’ve become extremely sentimental.

Sure, I can open a closet and find a few old toys we don’t need, but if I happen to uncover one of my kids’ former favorite stuffed animals or a piece of preschool art that says “Mommy,” I’ll turn into emotional goo. Not only will I insist this item should never leave the house, but suddenly, I don’t want to give anything away.

I don’t schedule time to purge

But selecting just one thing to trash or donate each day works for me. I don’t need to schedule time to do it, and I don’t have an opportunity to get too emotional. I just pick one thing from anywhere in the house, put it in the trash or the “donation bag” in my trunk, and I’m done.

Natalie Nugent, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Huron County, MI, told me that creating micro goals is a smart way to make decluttering feel doable. When one feels overwhelmed, breaking tasks down into concrete and manageable steps is a great strategy, according to Nugent.

She adds that turning one big project into many smaller tasks can help a person feel comfortable enough to get started, which can sometimes be the hardest, most important part.

And while I’ve broken down my decluttering mission into what might seem like embarrassingly small daily goals, it’s worked for me.

Little by little over the past year, this method has helped me get rid of hundreds of items, all while teaching me that decluttering doesn’t have to be overwhelming or time-consuming. Sometimes it just takes patience.

My method is slow and steady

The one downside to my method is that progress is, I’ll admit, incredibly slow.

I remember one day, a couple of months into my micro-de-junk, I stepped on a miniature plastic tiger and yelled a profanity I hoped my kids wouldn’t repeat. I looked around my messy living room, in pain and frustrated. I’d already taken two big bags of stuff to Goodwill, and still, the bookshelf was full of tchotchkes, toys littered the floor, and sweaters and shoes blocked my path to the front door. How did I still have so much stuff?

Shannon Leyko, a declutterer and host of Paring Down Podcast, said she’s not surprised by my exasperation. She explained that, when it comes to decluttering, people want to see their progress. After a long day of cleaning and organizing, seeing a big “to-go” pile gives a person a boost of endorphins and encouragement to keep going. Visual progress, she says, feels good.

With my small-scale clean out, though, I don’t get that big payoff at the end of a long day of decluttering. It takes a while to see a difference.

Leyko says that if one-a-day decluttering is too slow, there are other mini cleaning goals that produce faster results. She recommends setting an alarm to declutter for just five minutes a day and mentions a 30-day challenge where people declutter one thing on the first day, two things on the second, and so on — “at the end of the challenge, they’ve decluttered 465 items in one month,” she said.

Leyko adds that different people work at different paces, but progress is still progress.

It made me more thoughtful about consumption

Before I started this micro-dejunk, I was bad about overbuying. If I went to the store with my daughter and she found a cute little $2 toy at the checkout stand, I’d have a hard time saying “No.” Or if I found something, like a throw blanket or reusable water bottle, that I didn’t necessarily need but was on sale, I’d feel inclined to buy it.

But Leyko warns that if a person only declutters one thing a day, they should be careful about how much they bring in. “If you declutter seven things in one week, but then buy two shirts, one candle, one new beach towel, and three books from Target, then you’ve undone all your work for that week,” she said.

This realization made me more mindful of what I buy. I’ve learned to tell myself that just because something is inexpensive doesn’t mean I should take it home.

Less stuff, less stress

Now, nearly a year into my de-junk, I’m noticing a real difference in my home. My counters seem bigger, drawers close more easily, and toy bins aren’t overflowing. Overall, it feels like I have more room to move and more space to breathe. When I look around the living room, I don’t feel so stressed.

I’ll be the first to admit that my micro-cleaning hasn’t transformed my home from a toy-tornado zone into a minimalist dream space. Tchotchkis didn’t completely disappear, and I still step on pointy plastic toys every so often. But my house feels better: A little more orderly, a little more tidy. And I feel good in my space.

It was worth the wait.