I was excited when my daughter Aria was invited to spend the night at a friend’s house. While I realize not everyone experiences this rite of passage or even needs to, I view it as a nice milestone.
Cozy sleeping bags, tasty snacks, movie marathons, and laughing with friends way past bedtime can make for fun, fond memories. I was not allowed to sleep over anywhere until middle school, and even then, it was a tough sell to my mom.
Despite my enthusiasm, I still had some trepidation about letting Aria sleep over. I had known her friend’s parents for a while, and I trusted them fully, so that part wasn’t an issue. Rather, I was unsure how Aria would do on her own: would she get scared in the dark, as she sometimes does at home? Would the sleeping arrangements be comfortable? Would she be warm enough? Too warm, perhaps?
These and other concerns swirled around in my head.
I want to foster her independence
Fostering independence is important to me as a parent, but it is also important that Aria feels OK. The other mom and I talked; she understood and had even more concerns for her child sleeping at someone else’s house than I did. So, we decided that I would come too. I knew I risked being called a “helicopter parent,” but my goal was to help, not hover.
Courtesy of the author
I talked to my daughter and asked if she felt OK about me tagging along. To my relief, Aria was happy about this joint opportunity for mommy to come and put a new spin on the term “girls’ night”. She packed her fox-covered suitcase with clothes, her toothbrush, jammies, and way more toys than needed; I packed mine (minus the toys). When Aria and I arrived, she and her friend were thrilled to see each other and set off toward the bedroom to play.
The mom and I enjoyed chatting while the girls stretched slime, built bendable cities, and played pretend. We let them stay up a little later than usual, but nothing extreme. They brushed their teeth side by side in the mirror and got ready to lie down.
Once the girls were asleep, the mom and I each enjoyed a glass of wine and more adult conversation before she retired to her room, and I slept on the couch. All in all, the night went off without a hitch.
Then we switched houses
Months later, we did the same thing at my house. I hosted a sleepover in honor of the “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” anniversary (the girls know nothing of Frodo or Mordor, but the mom and I are big fans).
I welcomed them in my Arwen costume, and the girls went off to play. This time, we had a third adult present, who doesn’t have children but loves our girls (and LOTR). The three adults watched some of the trilogy, had some wine, dinner, and conversation.
That night, Aria’s friend tried to sleep in Aria’s trundle bed but soon grew scared, so she went to sleep with her mom instead, who was right there and ready to ease those nighttime fears. The following morning, I made waffles for everyone before we said goodbye and reflected on how much fun the night had been.
Tagging along for sleepovers can be fun for everyone
I think these parent-child sleepovers could be a fresh idea for caregivers and a nice middle ground between spending the night and just having a playdate. I view what we did as a compromise where the child still gets to have an overnight experience, but someone is there in case anything arises.
Admittedly, this might not work for everyone. The mother and I know each other well enough to do this. I also had the good fortune of my daughter being OK with my attendance, so there was no sour mood to spoil the evening. And I have a kid of elementary age — I’m not sure if this would work with a kid in high school.
Some people might think what I did is crazy, but I liked being around if my daughter needed me and being there when she woke up.
