I Want to Raise My Kids to Be Independent; My Husband Babies Them

I am a South Asian woman raised in the melting pot of New Delhi, the capital of India. As a progressive-minded person with international exposure from childhood, I grew up experiencing different cultures, perspectives, and backgrounds.

My husband, on the other hand, grew up more conservative and now has a traditional outlook on life and culture.

Before getting married, we discussed our backgrounds but didn’t explore how our differences would affect our parenting. We naively thought love would conquer any problems we faced.

But those differences have seeped into how we raise our children, which is causing some issues.

I want my kids to be independent and become socially responsible people

I have two kids: my daughter is 16, and my son is 11. I’m raising them to be independent children. I want them to think and fend for themselves — and not rely on anyone for anything.

I let my kids complete their homework independently. I don’t constantly hover over them to ensure their work is getting done. I also don’t baby them or run around picking up after them. I try to teach my children to be responsible and accountable.

From a young age, my kids have helped out around the house. They’ve helped me put clothes in the washing machine, wash the cupboards, and clean the tables. My children also love to help out while I’m cooking or baking.

I’m also teaching them to be free, independent thinkers. Unlike typical Indian parents who want their children to become doctors or engineers, I want them to pursue fields they are passionate about — not become whoever my husband and I want them to be.

My kids are aware of a world beyond the limited worldview they see in India and can fit in as global citizens. I take them to museums, zoos, and aquariums. I let them read an eclectic range of books to expand their minds.

I believe social responsibility starts at a young age. My kids have volunteered with me, planted saplings, and spent time with older people at an old-age home.

My husband, on the other hand, wants to baby our kids

My husband’s conservative background has influenced his parenting. He wants our kids to be fully dependent on him. He also wants to make all the decisions for them.

My husband still feeds our son and sometimes even our teenage daughter. They’re both old enough to feed themselves.

My husband goes overboard with shopping and splurges on them. He wants to provide them with everything that he did not have while growing up.

Additionally, I don’t like the idea of my kids being on digital devices for long hours, but my husband lets them get away with anything. They both have phones, laptops, and an Xbox. I would rather they get transported into magical worlds through books, play board games, or do arts and crafts.

Our differences in parenting have created some friction in our relationship

Every now and then, my husband and I encounter situations where we clash on how to raise our kids, which leads to friction in our marriage. Sometimes, our differences even cause arguments, so we constantly discuss our viewpoints to ensure we understand each other.

Since mom and dad aren’t always on the same page, my children notice and sometimes even take advantage. When they don’t get their way with one parent, they often go to the other.

Ultimately, I know my husband and I just want the best for our children and will do our best to provide it. Even though my kids are getting a mix of parenting styles, I know they will become successful, educated adults in the end.